lost and empty but no idea why

[unicornwonders]

Im not sure why i’m posting, i think i just want to understand why i’m feeling like this, if it’s normal, how to stop it… I’m only early 20s but i feel lost, empty and constantly on the verge of tears. I only try to keep going for my DD. I’m useless i can’t work due to disabilities caused by my pregnancy, i have a partner but he’s not much good tells me to grow up, get over it when ever i actually open up. I struggled when DD was born and tried suicide i was under perinatal. I thought things were better almost 3 years on. I have no family or friends anymore and i feel empty and lonely i always feel anxious and sick i wake up on the verge of tears and count the hours down to go back to sleep. Everything is too much. I can’t keep going all day feeling burned out and awful and low i don’t even know what’s causing it all i know is this constant heavy feeling is taking it’s toll i can’t live life, look forward to anything, enjoy even an hour. I feel like an awful mum, an awful girlfriend, a waste. I do what i need to do (cleaning, cooking, look after dd and bf) other than that i have no energy and no want to do anything other than sleep. How do i stop this and figure out what’s causing this. My GP has been useless. I’m sorry this is all so muddled i just can’t think properly

Hello I would suggest:

1. most importantly - remind yourself you are NOT an awful mum or girlfriend
2. going back to GP and say what you’ve written here
3. Get out to some local groups if you can - connections with others do wonders for helping mood - if you’re alone on your thoughts they’ll just go round and round your head. A break of speaking to someone else in real life will make a huge difference
4. your partner doesn’t seem supportive. You deserve someone that’s not going to tell you to “get over it” - you deserve someone that is supportive
5. what interest you? Something that involves doing something will get your mind shifting to something else.
6. remember that the way you’re felling now is only temporary. It will pass. You’re doing a great job at being a mum

please take care OP and keep chatting here if it helps

Bumping for you @unicornwonders as I’m sure other folk have far better suggestions than me. Take care

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time and aren't getting the support you need from your boyfriend or GP. Your daughter adores you and it sounds like you're holding everything together well, even if it doesn't feel like it, especially considering the lack of support.

I echo what @buddhasbelly has said.

Some of those things can take a little while to get into place so, in the meantime, I'm sharing a link to some phone services for people to talk to that might help. Making that call can feel scary and but you deserve the support it can often be easier taking to someone completely removed from your situation:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/

Take care OP, things will improve but it can be hard to see that when you're in the middle of it 💕