partner on the verge of a mental breakdown

[stucky]

Hi all,

just need some support/advise/reassurance.

My partner is a wonderful, supportive person. 3 months ago his best friends relationship broke down and hes moved into my partners den. Over the months his mental health has really deteriorated. My partner has ASD and typically uses the den to self regulate and stop himself from getting overwhelmed . He has his kids 50% of the time and typically spent 50% of his time with an empty house or with me and my son (we are there every weekend).

My partner keeps telling me is head isnt well. He’s very quick to anger and everything is amplify. I am finding it increasingly difficult to navigate. Ive become increasingly teary and I am struggling. My partner is usually very sweet and calm, however he’s becoming increasingly volatile (not violent). I am a domestic violence survivor and I really struggle with the change in his demeanour. I know he can’t control it, he doesn’t mean to be the way he is currently. He keeps crying and apologising. I haven’t told him how hard i am finding it but recognise that my need to avoid conflict is making things difficult. I really want to be more supportive but I am struggling myself.
Can anyone help?

Is he accessing specialised medical treatment? If not i'd strongly urge him to do so, with him saying his head isn't well and being so volatile. What has he done about it himself so far?

He hasn’t done anything, he expresses difficult and says he isn't well then minimises it and says it will pass.

I told him today I am concerned about him and suggested he talk to someone about his M/H. He just said they will try and medicate him and that’s not what he wants. He isnt taking any steps towards self care or accessing any support. Typically he’s the one in the supportive role and hasn’t got a very empathetic family so he is used to and expects to deal with things on his own.

He needs to talk to a GP, he really does. If he refuses to I think you really need to consider whether you can continue to support him, he sounds really hard work (I know he is suffering too but he really shouldn't take it out on you, that is not on).

The situation is difficult and he isn’t coping. I love him and am here with him irrespective of his mental health decline. Not supporting him
isn't an option for me. He is already struggling and I can’t and don’t have any desire to leave him to cope on his own.

Friend needs to move out, three months is ample support from a friend, and damaging your own mental to help someone else is daft.

Hi,

It’s not as simple as that. It’s his best friend of over 20 years. He doesn’t have any where else to live, his marriage of 17 plus years had broke down and he has poor mental health too. My partner would never ask him to leave and it’s not my place to request that he do that or make an ultimatum.
I am not that sort of person.

To claify, I am not asking for advice re the situation with my partner and his friend. I am not asking for relationship advice.

I am asking for advice around my m/h and how i can be a better partner in these very difficult circumstances to him.

sorry if at any point that has been unclear and appreciate all the comments.

If he refuses to get medical help or change his living situation I'm not sure that there is much you can do, no matter how good a partner you are. Put your own boundaries in place and don't let yourself be dragged down by him.

@stucky wondered how you are doing now? Xx

Hi Ronnie,

the situation has resolved it’s self and I am in a much better headspace. It is so kind if you to enquire, thank you. My partner is also feeling so much better, which is the biggest relief of all. I hope you had a wonderful Easter xxxx

I’m so pleased to read this. Going through v similar right now with my partner and it’s so hard x

It is! I learned to talk to my friends and family about my feelings so i could support him anf gain perspective. If i found him particularly distant or difficult i tried to communicate positively how i felt, for example I love evenings when we just talk and snuggle, finding things that he enjoyed or revisiting ways that had previously helped us connect. I don’t know your relationship, i do know that finding wonderful partners is hard and we should cherish them. He is as lovely and supportive of me. Really hope things work out, i know how taxing this can be.