Children from parents who were admitted into a psychiatric hospital

[mumof32015]

Hello,
I am currently recieving trauma counseling. My childhood was very traumatic, for various reasons. My mum had a mental health problem and was also an alcoholic. She went into our local psychiatric hospital a number of times, her first admission was when I was 6, and this became a regular occurrence up until I was 11. In all that time I was always taken to visit her with my dad. This has been an aspect of my life that I would always just talk about it as if that was just the way it was, that was my 'normal'. It is only now that I realise those visits have left a lasting impression on me because it was horrible and I spent all my childhood feeling alone, with a big weight on my shoulders. Today I have been talking about what this hospital was like, and how the finest of details of that place are still with me. But today I realised that I never saw any other children there who were like me, not a single one. I knew that other patients had children because a lot of them would talk to me and tell me. I know there will be people out there who are like me who too had to deal with this, and so I would like to find others who are like me, just so I don't feel so alone anymore.

Hello,
My mum was in a psychiatric hospital a couple of times during my childhood. I was probably about 8 or 9 when she had her longest spell in one. I think she was there for a few weeks. My memory of that time is quite hazy but I don't remember seeing other children there (apart from my sister) either.
xx

Is it something you ever felt able to discuss with your parents @mumof32015 ?
I hope this is managed better for children now. 🙏

Mine was too, for a long time when I was 6 or 7. She was in a private facility and we visited her a few times. I don’t recall much about it except it had really nice gardens, I defintely wasn’t at all traumatised by it but I expect that might be because it didn’t feel like a hospital, more like a luxury nursing home similar to the one my grandmother was in. Her stay in hospital hasn’t impacted me, I hadn’t thought about it for 40 years until this post. Her subsequent behaviour as a result of her mental health has been hugely impactful though

My parent had a spell in one I think when I was 9ish. We did go visit her, but I don’t really remember much about it.

It’s not something I talk about irl apart from to my parents occasionally. I’m actually rather terrified of ending up in one myself even though logically I know my MH issues are mild and it’s 30 years on from them so maybe they’re nicer/better nowadays.

@BittenontheBum sadly my mum passed away a few years ago, so obviously I can't discuss it with her. I too hope there is more help for children today as it was really tough for me.

My ex was sectioned several times and I as an adult feel a little traumatised from visiting him. I never took out children to visit. Those hospitals are really not a place for children to be. Although I’m sure your dad thought he was doing the right thing.

@MuchTooTired yes I know what you mean, I have worried that I may end up in hospital myself. But I remember that back when my mum went in she was never sectioned she always went voluntery, and sometimes she would even ask to go in. I don't think that you could do that today, well not where I live anyway our mental health services have been stretched too thin.

i have been on the other end of this - had a recent admission to a psychiatric hospital and DH brought the kids (9 and 13) to visit pretty much every day. There was a separate room off the ward that we could use so I hope it wasn’t too awful for them - but I’m absolutely terrified that all of this has and is harming them and desperately wish I could somehow protect them from it. If anyone has any suggestions about how best to do that I’m all ears!

@Beansontoast45 maybe them visiting was the wrong thing. Sounds like it probably was. Any ideas what would help them now from your experiences?

I wouldn’t worry about it, the separate room sounds nice and it must be great for your recovery to see the children. When my children’s dad was sectioned he was allowed ‘passes’ which allowed him out supervised for an hour or two. I used to pick him up with the children and we would go to a park or cafe so he could see them without them being in the hospital.

@Balloonsandroses my experience was almost 30 years ago, so I hope things have changed a lot since then. Unfortunately for me it wasn't just the hospital that has caused me distress, but also an awful home life. I think all I can say is that as a child I think I would have benefited from someone asking how it all made me feel, and just showing some interest into my well being. I was so alone, and I think that made it whole a lot worse.
It sounds like you really care about your children, and want to protect them and that makes you a good mum. I think in the right conditions having your children come to see a parent in hospital regardless of whether it's a psychiatric hospital or not would aid in recovery, and I think if it was me I would want my children to know that it was through them that I was able to come home I would want them to know that I recovered because I want to be there for them in the way they need me.