Constant thoughts about death/dying/bereavement

[sarrat]

I’ve always been an anxious person and my anxiety has always found new ways of surprising me like a cruel joke.

But for well over a year now, it’s been terrible. I’ve always had bad social anxiety but at least it was limited to that and kind of situational. Now… I have these almost constant thoughts about dying. About how it could happen suddenly and unforeseeably. Most often I’ll think about choking when I’m eating and then I’ll actually feel like I’m about to choke or like I’ve forgotten how to swallow. I worry about breaking my windpipe too.
I also worry so much about losing my parents, I fret about it and want to be near them. I never really even thought about that in the past.

The worst thing—i guess, health wise anyway— are these night terrors I have every night. I wake up shaking so much, heart pounding, legs like jelly. I think i my half asleep state that I’ve been poisoned or done something and am about to die. It happens every night and yet it always feels real. It is obviously upsetting and ruins my sleep and my partner’s too. I guess I’ve just been waiting for this to fizzle out, a phase, but it hasn’t. I wonder if this is it now. And part of me feel’s irrationally like my body is telling me something, I don’t know. I am just so done and so tired, i think i just needed to vent

has anyone had these kinds of fixated thoughts?

I don't have these thoughts, but I think you need to talk to your GP about your anxiety.

I’m on propanolol. I tried Sertaline but it made me ill, I also don’t know how that will help me in the long term. Maybe some sleeping tablets will help me reset. I think the night terrors are triggering the daytime thoughts

ugh not sure why I posted as no one will be able to help really, it just all feels so ridiculous later on,

Late at night I'm more anxious myself. Go back to your GP - has something triggered this? An accident? An illness?

I have these! It’s a form of ocd/ intrusive thoughts- it doesn’t mean your suicidal at all- but it can cause horrendous anxiety and obsessing over topics aka death. I’ve moved on from that by distraction- watching bridgerton lol keeping busy- but propanaol only does so much- I wake up with the jerking sleep disturbances it’s horrid. I’m on setraline 100mg- I’ve never looked back. The thoughts can start in my head then disappear- after two weeks on setraline you will feel a ton better.
also exercise and diet-
always helps
anxiety is fear-
ocd is obsession and intrusive thoughts is your brain torturing itself- sometimes after trauma and lots of stress
take It easy op- calming exercises, maybe see a private counsellor?

💐💐💐

I'm anxious because I'd abusive parents. I'm not in touch with them anymore 🥳

Also speak to your partner about it-just To vent. It’s hard for others to understand but it is a form of OCD-‘and a vicious circle to get out of the thought pattern. It’s like an itch
that irritates you and you scratch to feel relief from the thoughts- but it just comes back with a burning sensation- itching I.e. worrying and visualising bad things won’t help- scenarios of you dying etv
but take a break from itching- give your mind an hour doing something thoughtless- cleaning, gardening, swimming, reading -
you’ll realise you have more control of your thoughts than you think
once you’ve mastered doing something thoughtless you can literally train your thoughts to do anything
create a thought shortcut-
everutime your brain has a negative death thought think “pink flowers” visualise being somewhere positive every single time
your brain will create a new short cut
trust me on this one-

How old are you OP? Are your periods regular/normal for you?

I'm not a naturally anxious person (which I thank my lucky stars for) but quite suddenly started waking with a racing heart. Turned out to be perimenopause. My periods had also gone a bit weird but I hadn't made the connection until my GP ordered some tests and picked it up. I was 37 at the time so didn't expect it.

Did something happen to trigger these thoughts? Did you see someone choking? You haven’t processed the trauma you have been through and your subconscious is trying to help you make sense of what happened. See a psychodynamic therapist.

Maybe you would do well trying bioenergetics. There is a guy called Devaraj Sandberg on YouTube and he's really good.
It's all about getting rid of these body symptoms.
Maybe if you Google 'Devaraj bioenergetics anxiety' you will find some videos of him doing various exercises and postures.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply x

I’m sorry to hear you get this too. It really is exhausting isn’t it. I have wondered about OCD/intrusive thoughts but reluctant to self diagnose. I always thought it was a lifelong thing too. Thank you so much for the tips in your messages

The only thing I can think is that it started up just after covid, and my mum got very very sick and nearly died. But it feels more about me, the thoughts about my parents are sort of secondary to this, and they are getting older, have health conditions

Not a life long thing, many people have periods like this and then recover or at least improve.

Talk to your doctor. It does sound like you have some OCD traits.

I am sorry to hear you’re going through that, and about your dog too :( Sounds like bad panic attacks? Horrible for you, and I hope you feel better soon too x

This is your trauma. You’ve got ptsd. You need to process it with a psychotherapist. It won’t go away by itself.