Bullied…dealing with it all now…

[FridaEatsCornets]

The last couple of jobs I’ve had, I’ve always been bullied by a Manager.

I keep my head down but find someone has to pick on me. I don’t understand where I go wrong. Also last month a worker who I support with admin passed a lose comment about how I complained about the state of our last office. Not once did I complain about the state of any office, but I know it was a team leader who did that. Why do I get the blame?

Whenever I work in a group with women something goes wrong, sooner or later. Too bitchy. How do I look after myself better to avoid this?

I work with all men. Much easier. If someone upsets one of us, we have it out, tell each other to fuck off, half hour later its back to normal. Can't do groups of women. Far too much 'he said/she said' drama.

Are you quiet OP? I’m quiet and keep my head down too to avoid drama. I’ve found many people misread it as being stuck up and then act unkindly towards me. It’s very annoying as I just want to get on with my work but people make up whole scenarios in their heads.

As for how to avoid it, get a remote job.

I'd echo the first two replies. I've had similar experiences and know how horrible it can be. Particularly the assumptions that many people make about you if you generally keep yourself to yourself...they'll often than see you as an easy target for their spite. Short of changing jobs if that's possible, I don't know what to suggest. Some workplaces just seem to encourage this sort of culture, unfortunately. In my experience, trying to be more like one of the crowd seldom worked and it would also be a constant pretence which is exhausting. I hope you find a way to a happier work environment, remotely or otherwise.

I am quiet and my personality is more introverted than my colleagues. I do currently work from home (which I love) but from tomorrow will be going in three times a week, leaving two days at home. Whilst relieved I’m not totally in there with them all, I know I’ll find it difficult. I do keep myself to myself and I get it can be taken the wrong way, ridiculous really. Yes, I’m useless at pretence too. I intend looking for another job remote or with men, like you say easier.
Thank you so much for the support, makes me feel like I’m not on my own.

I wouldn't say that working with men is any better. My friend who is quiet currently has a problem with a senior male in her office who is essentially a creep and is picking on her.
I have had men harass me in the workplace too.
Will post with actual positive ideas later.

I think the way to avoid actual bullying in the workplace I've found is to try to adopt an easy going assertive attitude of not caring which is very difficult is you're not assertive and do care what others think....
I've become assertive with practice but I still care too much about what people say to the extent I get very paranoid but that's part of my mental illness anyway.
Personally as a sometime quiet person I've found the way to avoid accusations of being stuck up which quiet people do get, is to engage with your colleagues and be interested in them but without being too involved or over sharing information about yourself if that makes sense.
It makes for a happier working environment if you're friendly with your colleagues and you actually look forward to work then rather than seeing it as an ordeal.
Also practicing friendliness & assertiveness can help in other areas of your life such as developing your social & love life.

If you're actively being bullied though you need to write down everything the bully does, with dates and times, and go to HR, or a senior manager and ask for a meeting. I'd also recommend joining a union for advice.

I can’t believe what I’m reading, what a misogynistic thread . Working with men isn’t easier, the implication is that if you work with women they will bully you, Seriously jog on with that sexist shit.

my worst ever manager was a male, and he bullied me to an extent some of the other men stepped in and told him it wasn’t acceptable

people should be ashamed at writing this stuff

What a sexist comment.

@FridaEatsCornets I hope you're having an easier time at work today. Good luck with your job search! Look after yourself.