Do the majority struggle through life?

[itscoldoutsidee]

Hello everyone.

I consider myself to be a resilient person and I keep on at life no matter what.

Recently I had 3 miscarriages. We decided not to try again or get it investigated - the whole thing was too much emotionally.

I have never felt the same since. Outwardly I am doing ok, but inside I feel like a watered down version of myself. Not awful but emotionally bruised.

I had been having some pelvic pain recently so I went to hospital and got told probably it is endo and that's what caused all my miscarriages. And I should get a lacroscopy.

This has really shocked me emotionally and I feel so flat and drained. Over the past year I feel I have started to recover emotionally then been hit with another blow. I know it is just life but it feel so unnecessary I had to have 3 miscarriages. After my second I told the doctor I had a gut feeling something was not right and was talked out of it.

It's not just affected my chances of having a child it has really changed the course of my mental health.

I feel I can carry on with life but I don't feel enjoyment like I did. Do you think the majority of people feel this way and have silent struggles like mine or is it a minority?

Thank you

I don't know if this will help but I'll give it a go.

Happiness is rather like a set of kitchen scales. We have a starting point of zero which is a empty bowl into which you add your ingredients, which add a positive value to your life. Even if they sometimes get removed - the bowl is still there, the neutral point.

When there's a loss; be it a death, a career set back, a break up or - as in your case the miscarriages - it's as if the bowl is taken away and the scales now register a minus number on what you viewed your life to be, and no matter what you add it's always going to feel like it was less than you had before.

That's where you are at the moment - it's changed everything and all you see is the impossible climb back up to just being neutral.

If however you press the 'tare' button on the scale and reset to a new zero number you can start to add different positives - ingredients you've never considered before, a new start that is not based on loss but on finding another, untried, way to live your life.

HTH.

Wow @Eyesopenwideawake thank you for the fantastic response. This is similar to how I view it too. The bit you said about the 'tare' and adding things is lovely :) I am not miserable all the time, and I I have always tried my best to add positives to my life as a 'cushion' / stability in case other things go wrong - but I have the odd few days where I am like jesus christ!

I would say my reproductive system and issues is probably the only thing that 'takes' from my life. You have put that into perspective for me. After my last mc I decided to take the opportunity to make a career move I would not have been able to do if I had been pregnant, and I was nervous but it has turned out to be a great decision so far, so you're comment about "a new start that is not based on loss but on finding another, untried, way to live your life" is spot on. I am sure there will be other things.

Thank you again for your thoughtful response 💛

You're very welcome 😁