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I was beaten as a child and I’m only just realising what the long term effects are.

14 replies

whatatanker · 25/11/2022 17:27

So, I was beaten by my parent throughout my childhood. When I was younger, it was smacking a lot, on the bum, back and legs and then in my teenage years it was being punched in the face. I was always walking on eggshells in my own home. I had two brothers who were also abused, but they went to boarding school aged 11, so they avoided most of it. I went to a normal day school.

There was a lot of mental abuse too. I was called ‘lard arse’ (I wasn’t big at all, but I developed an eating disorder in my uni years). There was a culture of putting me down constantly. I was an avid reader but both my parents told me reading was a waste of time.

Now I’m older I see them for what they are: narcissistic, abusive, homophobic and racist. I’ve got my own children and they don’t spend much time with them (certainly never alone).

Every now and then, they push my buttons and it makes me really unwell. I’ve got an autoimmune disease and the pressure of it makes me feel unwell for a few days.

How do I move forward and live a healthy and happy life?

OP posts:
Miss03852 · 25/11/2022 17:29

Do you have to have a relationship with them? I’m very low contact with both my parents, they were both very toxic and dysfunctional.

RoseslnTheHospital · 25/11/2022 17:32

I just wouldn't have a relationship with them at all. It's obviously difficult to stop contact when it's your parents but they have behaved horrifically towards you and I guess are not at all repentant about it?

Always4Brenner · 25/11/2022 17:34

Went NC with my family 15 years ago best thing I’ve ever done I still hate mirrors due to being called fat you’ll amount to nothing from 13. Go NC for a start hugs.

ButterflyBiscuit · 25/11/2022 17:37

I'm v low contact and have had a fair bit of counselling over the years which has really helped.

However underperforming in life big time...

whatatanker · 25/11/2022 17:37

@RoseslnTheHospital you are right they are not repentant at all. Generally it’s a topic never to be discussed. It came up a while ago when they suggested my middle child needed a good beating in order to behave. He didn’t.

OP posts:
whatatanker · 25/11/2022 17:39

@ButterflyBiscuit yes me too. I’m underperforming big time in life. I listened to Radio 4 today Woman’s Hour about father- daughter relationships. It made me cry. There’s so much loss, resentment and anger that I carry around.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 25/11/2022 17:40

If they weren't your parents would you have them in your life? If the answer is 'no' then consider going NC. They don't deserve you.

Have a look at these videos on how negative core beliefs can develop from childhood abuse.

AnuSTart · 25/11/2022 17:40

No one needs a good beating. Ever.

I know it's hard. One step to recovery, has to be, is removing the tumour from your life. You can't heal with it there. From my experience, do this first.

I'm so sorry.

Snugglemonkey · 25/11/2022 17:41

I am so sorry op, it is such a difficult space to be in. I think that therapy is a good idea so that you can process some of this and mitigate some of the damage. Going low or no contact sounds like a good idea too.

GG1986 · 25/11/2022 18:11

If my parents had done this to me, I would cut them from my adult life, do they contribute anything good to your life now? I wouldn't want them near my children either. Sorry you went through this.

TeLis · 26/11/2022 03:54

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mathanxiety · 26/11/2022 04:51

@whatatanker

You need therapy, and you need to cut these people completely out of your life.

MumoftwoGranofone · 26/11/2022 05:05

I’m so sorry you have experienced such abusive parenting. As hard as it might be from the information you’ve provided it sounds best for both you and your children to stop having any contact with them. You need to protect your own little family.

Whydidimarryhim · 26/11/2022 06:54

Hi op I’m so sorry you went through this abuse. Please look up Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families - lots of information on there website and utube. Your parents damaged you in many ways. Can you think if you could go no contact eventually - start by reducing contact if you can - some believe auto immune disease is caused by trauma - The body keeps the score is one book - it is on utube and Gabor Mate on utube - please be gentle with yourself. 🌺🌺

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