I don't know how to help my husband

[nicnicthelibrarycat]

I don't know where to turn as I have no family to talk to.

My husband is autistic with a diagnosis of BPD, and over the past 5 years his mental health has declined considerably. What has complicated things is his being on the list for specialist therapy for a year but then denied it as they're not sure it's compatible with someone with an autism diagnosis.

He's gone on a downward spiral since then claiming that mental health services 'don't care'. To a degree, I see where he's coming from as he's been messed around. However, he's now suicidal and self harming.

It's like he just doesn't care any more, I feel like he wants me to push him out of the front door as apparently guilt towards me and the kids is the only thing stopping him dying. Nothing I say makes a difference and it's starting to make me feel so down.

I just want to know what I can do on a practical level. We can't afford private therapy and I know the nhs is fucked. I can't carry this alone though.

I'm putting on my best smile for the kids but feel so despondent at not being able to help.

Hi op I’m so sorry, does your husband work? If so what does he do I just wonder if work is a factor.

Is he engaging with his GP and taking medication?

Thanks to both of you for replying.

Work isn't a massive factor as far aa I'm aware. He works in IT within the public sector and enjoys his job. In fact, I feel like he's happier there than at home. Perhaps there's an element of being tired from work but I don't see it as massively significant.

He doesn't see a GP any more for his mental health as this referral to the community team was meant to be helping. I've suggested he goes back out of sheer desperation, but he tells me it's pointless. He's tried all sorts of medication and nothing seems to work at all.

I'm at the point now where I feel a sense of relief every time he walks back in the house because it means o get another day with him. But when we are together he's permanently miserable. I've said that if life with me and the kids is making it worse for him, I'll let him go. I know I could survive knowing he was happy elsewhere but am not ready to lose him if he takes his own life.

Has he ever been sectioned?

Was the best thing to ever happen to me. Despite it being awful in there, I got seen, my meds sorted out instantly amd was sign posted for the right help and given a cpn. A Dr I know has a daughter that suffered with her mental health. He also got her sectioned and said this is the only way the NHS will help quickly. I know it sounds scary, but it can work xxx

I'd also like to add there isn't anything you can do. He has to do it himself unfortunately xx