Husbands mental health getting too much for me

[Unhappymumma]

So we've had marriage problems for a long time due to what I now recognise as husbands poor mental health, & him not telling me, so I just thought he was withdrawing from our family etc because he wasn't interested in us anymore.
I was very close to telling him I wanted to seperate when he decided to speak to me about the problems & go to the gp.
Since then we have seen a lot of doctors, psychiatrists, counsellors etc & he has a diagnosis. It is much worse than I ever thought or realised.
He is doing well & our life is relatively OK, but the damage to our marriage I feel is permanent & although I love him, I just don't want to spend my entire life with this man.
Anyway, he has been very open with everyone and has admitted to the doctors in front of me that before we were together he attempted suicide a few times. And since we've been together, (many years) he has often felt suicidal.

I don't really know why but I feel so angry about this. Its his business of course but I just selfishly feel that I should have been told about this to make an informed decision on if I wanted a relationship with him and to have chilleren with him. We have 2 kids. Now I feel like I've made a huge mistake & don't feel like I can ever leave him incase he harms himself!

You are not responsible for another adults mental health OP. You are for your kids future mental health by witnessing things they shouldn't. If that happens then you have a duty to get them out of it.

Obviously you probably feel duped, like you've been sold a lie. Maybe councelling might help?

I just feel like I don't actually know him and our whole relationship has had this undercurrent of him having these thoughts that I wasn't aware of he says the only reason he hasn't done it is because of our daughter.
I feel like I've given him years and years of support and continuing to do so now but it's very hard. He has obviously had a horrible struggle and I do feel desperately sorry for him, but the impact on our marriage has just been so huge, I'm so worn down by his lack of involvement, lack of emotion, lack of everything I was just about done, now I feel I have no choice but to stay with him

You can leave him, for the sake of your own health and wellbeing. He presented as a well-rounded, healthy individual when you met him, not someone struggling with dark thoughts and mental health issues.

You have every right to walk away. He sounds as if he will manage fine by himself, now he has a support network in place.

Don't stay with him out of guilt.

Please leave it won’t get any better I knew about my ex husband my but had no idea just how it would bring me down. Five weeks out so much happier looking forward to best Christmas ever. Hope you get help support to leave hugs.

Meant to say aswell our son also has mental health issues and awaiting an adhd diagnosis. I'm bie experiencing feelings of blame towards my husband that he has passed these issues on to our son. It's just my anger speaking at the moment but I just can't help it

I'm worried that if I ever try to leave him, at any point he will try to harm himself and may succeed. Then my kids lives will be ruined and they will be traumatised.
So I feel like I need to sacrifice my own happiness /freedom etc and stay with him to try and ensure that doesn't happen. I feel completely trapped by that risk that existed before we were even together.
When your in a crisis or suffering from severe depression you kind of forget about everyone else which I do understand, but throughout all this I haven't ever heard him show remorse, or say sorry or ask me if I want to stay with him etc. He just presumes I will or knows that he's got me over a barrel. And that makes me angry

Again, you're not responsible for his mental health. NOT.

You need to think of your child and you can't sacrifice your own mental health to pacify this man. You can't pour from an empty cup.