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Friend with MH problems and scammers

10 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 21/11/2022 15:35

I wasn't sure whether to put this in Relationships or Mental Health. Bit of both. Ongoing saga, I've posted about it before and had plenty of comments, good and bad. Walk away. You're over-invested. Get a life. Keep your nose out.

Friend said she wanted to open up and tell me something at the weekend. She's been "talking to" (never met, never Facetimed/Zoomed only shared photos that could be of anyone and spoken on the phone) a former catalogue model in Florida since the summer. I had heard of this before and they asked her to talk with them on Telegram, not normal texts or WhatsApp etc.

He is in love with her, has lost his wife to breast cancer, he now wants to settle down with someone and live a quiet life, and she is the one.

Knowing her track record I asked if she was sure he was real, and she said yes, here's his voice message to prove it (it sounded like someone with an African accent pretending to be American) and also he hasn't asked for any money (yet.) Also he doesn't want her "talking to" other guys, he wants her all to himself, which proves he's genuine, doesn't it?

When she told them she needed time to think about moving to sunny Florida from cold and wet North Yorkshire, they said that they weren't prepared to be messed about. Cue lots of crying and her sending impassioned messages how sorry she was, give me another chance, you're breaking my heart and making my depression worse, please talk to me.

What would you do:

Be there when it all hits the fan.
Hope it does all hit the fan to give her a wake up call (and support her when it does)
Give straight talking (though she'd get cross if I was to do that)
Nothing.

Friend has been in therapy for a year or more now (IAPT) and still unable to make good choices.

OP posts:
WheresMyDodo · 21/11/2022 15:53

Can you dig out a news article about how this sort of scam works and send it her like you’ve just seen it and it’s occurred to you that her relationship is just like this scam? Otherwise I think your options are to be blunt and tell her outright it’s a scam, say nothing, or totally distance yourself from this before it explodes in her face.

stevalnamechanger · 25/11/2022 01:13

Make her watch catfish the tv show

DuckPancake · 25/11/2022 01:28

I believe these are called 'romance scams'. Has she actually FaceTimed him do you know?

Definitely show her an article. I remember watching a scam show on BBC iPlayer and I think they said there's a Facebook group where usernames/photos of romance scammers are shared. Might be worth looking into?

BloodyShoes · 25/11/2022 01:32

Has he sent photos of himself. Google reverse image should bring them back a scammer.

Sadly when these victim are invested them seem to not listed to anyone. A friend of mines widowed father was scammed and sent her thousands. We should him all the press stories. It he never believed us.

Roundandnour · 25/11/2022 01:53

Tell her to tell him that she needs all his financial and family history details, employment details , addresses for the last 10 years and several visits from American immigration to support her visa application as her sponsor or similar.

Then a vpn set to America and Google the shit out of everything.

If she really wants to move to him she could waste cash on a greencard(?) application. Will cost her however will co.e to light it's a scam.

Suggest she google his contact details.

Suggest she watch the Netflix documentaries about the daft fuckers who lend their "partners" thousands of cash.

However be prepared for her to ignore everything you advice and either be sympathetic or be brutally honest. Personally I would go for the !brutally honest option and yes I know what it's like having mh problems!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/11/2022 07:07

DuckPancake · 25/11/2022 01:28

I believe these are called 'romance scams'. Has she actually FaceTimed him do you know?

Definitely show her an article. I remember watching a scam show on BBC iPlayer and I think they said there's a Facebook group where usernames/photos of romance scammers are shared. Might be worth looking into?

She's never facetimed, zoomed or anything. Only photos and phone calls on Telegram.

She's seen shows about romance fraud but thinks he's real as he's not asking for money.

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SomeBeings · 25/11/2022 09:53

Oh no, this is so obviously a spam. I'd just keep asking her why does she think he won't zzoomm or FaceTime or whatever.

It might be that you will be more effective at helping her by going along with it for a bit. I guess she might just shut you out if you are too dismissive.

Have you got any information at all about who this person claims to be? If he is a model then he would be googleable.

Roundandnour · 25/11/2022 12:49

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/11/2022 07:07

She's never facetimed, zoomed or anything. Only photos and phone calls on Telegram.

She's seen shows about romance fraud but thinks he's real as he's not asking for money.

Oh Telegram?
There are so many scammers on there.
Hope she hasn’t sent him any compromising pictures as it’s also know for blackmail.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/11/2022 14:37

Roundandnour · 25/11/2022 12:49

Oh Telegram?
There are so many scammers on there.
Hope she hasn’t sent him any compromising pictures as it’s also know for blackmail.

She has sent them to someone else, on Messenger. This is a real person and local.

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ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/11/2022 14:43

SomeBeings · 25/11/2022 09:53

Oh no, this is so obviously a spam. I'd just keep asking her why does she think he won't zzoomm or FaceTime or whatever.

It might be that you will be more effective at helping her by going along with it for a bit. I guess she might just shut you out if you are too dismissive.

Have you got any information at all about who this person claims to be? If he is a model then he would be googleable.

I've googled him, and nothing turned up except an ancient My Space page with no photos. I have nodded and ummed to get her to continue talking about it.

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