Social anxiety as a parent

[Mouscadoo]

I am wondering if anyone has experience of having social anxiety as a parent. I have done CBT and it did work for a period of time, also on medication which definitely helps with the physical symptoms. But I still find the social aspect of having children really difficult i.e. making small talk in the playground, trying to establish friendships for the sake of my daughter who is nearly 3. She's never had a play date or anything but she sees other kids out and about and her cousins too. I try not to be too hard on myself but I really struggle.

I am already thinking ahead of things like birthday parties, school drop offs and things like that and wonder how I will cope.

I don't know if it's that I'm so anxious in social situations that I give off a bad impression but when I try to talk to other parents it just falls flat all the time. It's like I repel people from me. I do feel guilty about my daughters lack of friends. I am really exhausted with my 9 month old so I know that doesn't help matters. Any advice or encouraging words please.

Just bumping for you in the hope someone sees it.

I’ve struggled with social anxiety on and off my whole life. I have 2 older DCs and know that feeling of dread. What’s worked for me is the more I do something, the more the anxiety fades. Social anxiety is not uncommon, so try to not think of yourself as the only parent struggling. You’re not alone.

I know how you feel op. I have a coffee date tomorrow with someone who I have just kind of made friends with and im really nervous.

I put it off for so long but decided to give in and go in the end, just to get it out of the way!

She is so lovely, it's me that's the problem. I try to have an hour or so to relax beforehand and that does help but it's never enjoyable iyswim. I look at friends chatting away on neighbouring tables and think to myself, wouldn't it be lovely to be able to just relax in others company

Thank you @Freespirit12 @PeekabooAtTheZoo @vikingwoman . I agree about continuing to do something even if it causes anxiety. I used to actually feel anxious just going to the shop after having my second but I can do it fairly easily now. I suppose the more I expose myself to social situations hopefully the easier it will become. I'm just really not great at putting myself out there, fear of rejection I suppose! Find it quite hard to relax also @Freespirit12

I was (am?) very much the same. It became easier once the DTs started play school because I forced myself to mutter hello to the other parents then made friends with them slowly once my kids made friends with theirs. and my kids realised my social incompetence and arranged their own play dates forcing me to book things in. I’m not at the stage yet of meeting up with any of them without the kids, but I have high hopes that it’ll happen one day!

It’s not easy, but keep trying is really my only advice!

Thanks @MuchTooTired. That's great that you put yourself out there and your daughter is making friends too! My ideal scenario would be for my daughter to just arrange play dates herself but alas she isn't even three yet 😂just really struggle with that aspect of parenting

One piece of advice I can add is don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t judge yourself. It’s ok to cancel if you’re really struggling and your DC doesn’t mind. Social interaction doesn’t always have to be formal for young ones. Taking her to the park is great because if she and another child show interest in each other, smile and encourage that. Yes it may require a few words to the other child’s parent but it is less pressure than a formal play date. I’d also encourage lots of get togethers with her cousins - family is likely less stressful than strangers. I know it feels lonely but please remember there are other parents just like you😊🌸

Thank you @vikingwoman for the kind words. I am actively working on not being so hard on myself or comparing myself. I am lucky that my daughter is so outgoing she loves to chat so I don't have the added worry about her. Actually met a lovely mom at the playground this weekend, just a chat really but a nice interaction so I try to focus on those small wins.

And you're right @vikingwoman we love spending time with our family and much less stressful

🌺🌺