Feeling like a burden to everybody and I just disappoint everyone.

[CreatingHavoc]

I am struggling atm and feeling pretty useless. Have just had minor surgery and the list of things I'm not allowed to do is quite long. No lifting, hoovering, driving etc. I have had to get lifts to follow up appointments, of which there have been more than expected as I think I'm having side effects to some of the medication I'm having to use.

Because of this recovery is taking longer than expected and every one is getting fed up of helping me. It can be up to a 6 week recovery and I'm only a week in. I have severe health anxiety and I'm feeling increasingly stressed about everything. I know I'm going to have to just get on with everything soon even though I'm not supposed to (already had to lug washing about) but I don't have anyone who can help me with everything that I'm not allowed to do. That said, I really don't think I can manage on my own (single parent to 2 dc).

I just wanted a normal recovery from a routine op but apparently something always has to go wrong. I know that sounds pathetic but I honestly don't know why I thought it'd be straightforward as nothing ever is.

So my family are fed up of me asking for things and are huffing and puffing every time I ask for help with something. I wouldn't mind but it's all completely beyond my control. I am more stressed than I probably should be about the lingering effects of the surgery/medication but it is genuinely worrying when the info says these things should be gone by now. Hence I'm seeing a specialist tomorrow to make sure it's nothing sinister.

I don't really know why I'm posting this but I just hate feeling this way.

You are not the problem here. You've an unsupportive family. Some of us are trained from an early age to put our own feelings last.

Drop all expectations of yourself. Ask for help wherever you can. Be kind to yourself x

@SquirrelSoShiny Thank you. I've only got 3 people who could possibly help. One of them is really busy, one is getting on a bit and the other is normally unwilling to help and is stressful to be around anyway. The main 2 who are helping me just seem to be fed up with me or complain about having to do the things that need doing. :(

Can you turn this round at all?

instead of: “Feeling like a burden to everybody”

Say: ”I deserve to feel supported”.

And instead of “I just disappoint everyone.”

Say: “there’s such freedom in disappointing everyone. I can never please everyone, and it’s fun and freeing to please myself”.

How old are your DC?

@Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink thanks, that's a good perspective. My dc are 6 and 10. 10 yr old has been helping where she can.

Is there any community support available like a kindness group or volunteers who could drive you to appointments and may offer to help with housework or shopping, we have this where I live. Only do what is really essential, hoovering can wait, take your outdoor shoes off inside, washing can be done in small loads, online shopping, sit down on a stool when washing up, preparing meals. Speak to your doctor or practice nurse to see if you can have an assessment for equipment that might make life easier. Your recovery is the priority.

Agree lots can wait! And lots your 10yr old can help with. Good opportunity to learn, and yes it might not be ideal, but needs must and it’s a temporary situation. Can your DC help with loading and unloading the washing machine and you sit on a chair to hang things out?

If you’re saving any money on childcare or by not going out of the house, could you get a cleaner for a couple of hours in a fortnight to catch up with the difficult bits like hoovering? You’ll be half way through your recovery by then!

Is there a single parents network nearby you can tap into to start building your network for future? Perhaps try Frolo or Peanut apps for making local friends.

Be as gentle with yourself as you can.