Exhausted, narcissistic parents and being gaslit at work. So, so stressed, don't know where to start.

[BoffinMum]

Stressed out of my box at the moment and finding things really tough. I'm going through a difficult patch at work where I am overworked, perpetually gaslit, and it is a real struggle not to explode. My rather narcissistic parents who can be a bit toxic have fallen out with me and are not talking to me, and I am not even sure why. I am hosting refugees who are lovely but it's exhausting as lifestyles and expectations are quite different. I am currently listening to subliminal anti-stress soundtracks on Spotify in a vain attempt to feel better but really I am just exhausted and miserable. Does anyone have any thoughts about what might help?

Wow, just breathe firstly. That sounds like a lot. You need an outlet OP, somewhere where you can let out some of the explosion in small steps rather than it being one massive catastrophic event. I don't know what that is for you, therapy, journalling, good friends, exercises, kick boxing, something, anything, to just get it out. I literally just listened to something which said that some of the anger that we feel is our way or trying to defend our own boundaries when they feel encroached, or that is maybe me paraphrasing things. So it's timely that I came on here and read what you have written. So basically what I am saying is that it's ok to feel whatever you feel, try and listen to yourself and work through ways to improve your life in little ways. Does your work situation feel like it is mirroring this stuff with your parents? Could there be a reason for that so you think? Take care and look after yourself. Truly look after yourself, as you are the best person for that job. xxx

I'd look at what you can control, and start working through that to get a sense of what you can do about all these things. So for example, your parents - you can't change anything about their behaviour so put them in the 'fk it bucket' for now and any time your mind starts thinking about them tell yourself that it is a not your problem issue and put it down. Your guests, if it is causing you stress and issues, then their time with you is over and its time to ask them to make other arrangements. Then even if you give them 3 months notice you know it is coming to an end.
Work - is it short term that things are bad and it will resolve (in which case yoga, mindfulness etc to get you through), or is it time to start looking for new jobs? If you are being gaslit, then ask for everything in an email and take meeting notes that you get everyone to esign so that there is no arguing later. It might not solve the problem, but again at least you have an element of control.
My sympathies though, it sounds really, really tough atm

Have phoned work helpline with the nice counsellor people. The lady basically said "This is definitely sounding like gaslighting and bullying and have you thought about getting signed off with stress?" So I going to ring the GP now.

Great, that would give you a bit of space

OP you sound like you need to establish some boundaries with people in general and learn to put yourself first and assert yourself.

Your toxic parents' mind games are not your problem. It is their choice to behave this way and you can choose to ignore the manipulation.

The refugees are hosts in your home so they need to follow your rules.

Take some time off work and consider looking for a new job.

But really it seems the problems are all linked to how you deal with people and allow them to put too much pressure on you.

I have a serious work issue that's affecting my mental health badly too. Its causing me panic attacks - I dont even know if the way Im thinking is reality or paranoia. Other negatives in my life I cannot control (waves of grief from.losing my Mum and my brothers illness and unable to take medication as the side effects were awful)

I'm just dealing with the things I can action. I've handed in my notice and will take a break from work to try and recover my health. If I couldn't have afforded the break I'd still have looked to move jobs. It feels like the only thing I have any control over.

Sorry to hear that, Kez. Hope you are reasonably OK today.

I am now signed off for a month. GP was very nice, very supportive.

Arty, I think it’s more to do with the fact that I work in a cliquey and rather toxic organisation where people are dropping like flies, I am the child of two baby boomers who aren’t the best of parents and who have alienated their other children too, and I’m aware that when you live with people escaping a war zone there’s going to be adaptation required - they are not Air BnB guests. So I think I’ll look at the extrinsic factors here for now.

@BoffinMum

Great. I was signed off for two weeks but felt obliged to work - yes, it's that bad. So I did and, along with no medication, its all delaying my recovery. I hate going in now due to pressure of work and the one person who is toxic (I think they are a sociopath?) but I have a countdown on my phone and look at that often.

I truly hope you can stay off work as advised by your GP and take time to start the road to getting well and taking actions.

I've found walking therapeutic. And I visit a spa for a cheap midweek deal when I can afford it and my off days are mis week. I use the headspace app to meditate at night and get off to sleep. Sadly, I still have horrible vivid dreams and wake with panic attacks but I suspect they won't start to reduce until work is out of the equation.

All the best x

We've also lost staff equivalent to 1/3 of our cover this year and no replacement found. I get it's hard to recruit but there had been no attempt to move work between teams.

Hello - I remember you from various threads of old and sorry to hear this.

I am in a slightly similar situation but for different reasons. The actual problems are unfixable immediately but here are some things which have helped me cope.

The single biggest one is CBD oil. My heart was hammering away all the time, this stopped it within 6 hours. Ocado will deliver it and some is half price at the moment on there.
Also Headspace app/Paul McKenna Instant Calm (get it from the library and keep the hypnosis bit, it's all you need).
If you are having problems sleeping, I find melatonin really helpful, especially time release. The dr can prescribe it, I buy it...

Kez, walking is a good idea. I might try that. And the spa thing.

@BoffinMum how are you today? I've, as is usual, woken with a panic attack and am shaking. I do wish the medication hadn't given me the side effects it did. I'd be a month in now and possibly more settled.

Have you been recommended to take any medication?

Hi Kez, that sounds awful, I hope you are able to step forward gently today, I’ve been offered NHS counselling but declined medication. With me it’s mainly external environment, I think.

@BoffinMum

I've used therapy too. I paid privately for four weeks. It was effective in helping me break down all my issues into individual problems, understand them and work on actions.

I'm still on her books, if needed, as I expect some wobbles as I work through my notice and possibly afterwards as I adjust to the life changes.

I've had a relaxing day today and will be going out for a long walk tomorrow. And shopping...normal life continues.

How have you been?