Reluctant to speak too soon but - I think I might be getting better

[MascaraOHara]

I'm about 5 (at a guess) months into my second stint of Citalopram and I'm 2 sessions away from finishing my counselling.

I'm feeling really positive at the moment and really trying hard to change my outlook on life.

I don't want my counselling to end and I don't feel like I'm ready to leave the discussions/emotions that it has triggered but at the same time I have to acknowledge that I'm feeling good.

I haven't had those thoughts of not wanting to leave my bed for a while. I'm not sure when they stopped but I recognised this morning that it wasn't a chore. My housekeeping doesn't feel overwhelming anymore and I'm sort of on top of it.

Not sure why I'm posting this I guess I just wanted to tell someone. I'm thinking about tomorrow now and not just about how to cope until I can get back into bed.

oh mascara i had no idea you felt like this
i always thought you sounded chirpy and i love chatting with you
sorry if i have been missing what stares me in the face, i often do that

np

mascaraohara
hugs to you. pleased you are feeling better, without sounding patronising, well done for all of your hard work :-)you sound like you are doing really well now..

Thank you guys.

and thank you NP - I almost welled up lol. I'm glad I don't sound miserable all the time. Nobody in RL knows I suffer from depression so I only really talk about it on here

well that went down like a horseshit sandwich - good job I wasn't about to kill myself lol

Mascara, ive just seen this. That is really great to hear. Quite inspirational How many counselling sessions did you have? I was only allowed six

Mascara

Well done, you are really strong stuff not to have told anyone, how have you coped???

I think your story is really uplifting especially to any newbies like me who don't even understand this illness and I for one find it hard to cope with it stopping ordinary life and things I easily did before and now are a constant battle.

I know what you mean about the housekeeping overwhelming situation - I've just had to write down what I am cooking kids for tea, its brain overload in my head, still whatever works.

I was only allowed 6 also.. I'm really into it actually and finding it very beneficial... I really really don't want it to end. I don't feel ready and want to continue exploring and talking through how I feel and why.

I don't have any intentions of coming off Cit yet.. I know I'm not ready for that but I think recognising that in itself is a massive step for me.

KKGril - I've talked a lot on here.. generally and on the Cit Buddies thread.. MN has (soley at times) kept me going and allowed me a space to talk and offload.

There are so many fantastic people and listeners on here.

kkgirl sorry

Mascara

I second that, it is a brilliant site for all topics, and this part has kept me believing it will be ok since I started joining in here, I wouldn't be able to talk about it in real life in a lot of detail anyway.

What have you found best about the counselling? is it the talking or does it help to deal with issues. The GP has suggested I go on a Worry Management Workshop, atm I am worrying about really irrational things, like losing my job, kids, house everything and also so worried about my elderly parents, which is a real issue, but that I can't really influence.

Go Mumnset

I felt awkward at first but counsellor just seems to have a way of saying som,ething which triggers a lot of dialog from me. last week was the first week we really touched on some coping mechanisms for some habits I have. Which is why I'd like to continue but unfortunately can't... the methods she suggested I've kind of built on and they are working

Well after all this. I went to my counselling session last night and cried - a lot.

But I felt fine again afterwards

Hi Mascara

Did you feel better after you cried, I only ask because I bottle things up and wonder if a damn good cry would be better for me, I think this is why I am in this mess, always doing everything for everyone, not complaining etc.

Glad you have some good coping mechanisms, good that you work for you.

Sounds like you are doing really well.

Hi yes.. my problem has always been bottling things up.. I've reached a point where I couldn't cry even if I felt like I wanted to. My counsellor keeps telling me that I have to recognise the fact that it's OK to cry and that it's perfectly normal ad quite therapeutic. I haven't quite bought into that yet but I'm trying lol

She thinks half my problem is that I let everybody see an image of myself that I think they want to see and so nobody really knows the real me.. it's all to do with protection and seeking approval/needing to be preceived in a certain way I think/we've discussed.