Living with sister who has MH issues

[EdaYildiz]

I have posted previously about my sister and her MH issues, so please feel free to read.

My older sister has MH issues and currently it is being queried if she has psychosis, she was sectioned earlier this year however discharged within 24 hours by my dad (FYI my parents are elderly and from a Middle Eastern background so refuse to accept she needs serious help) so at home we live with my sister talking to herself almost everyday and from the moment she is awake to the moment she goes to sleep. It quite hard to give context but she is not 'talking' in the sense of having a conversation with someone but is more angry, aggressive and 'shouting' at someone in her head, so you can imagine the noises she makes when she is constantly screaming things like: "f*uck off" or " you are rubbish .. rubbish .. rubbish" all day long, alongside muttering other things.

*On occasions she has called the Police to some and arrest the voices in her head.

Living with this takes it toll clearly, my parents as mentioned above refuse to accept she needs help and have said they will take care of her until they are no longer around, but then there is me - because of my sister and her noises I can just about be in the same room as her so I live in my bedroom like a lodger and wear my headphones about 98% of the time - I work from home so I've got headphones on during the day and even when I sleep, I put sleep meditation on to drown out any noises in case she wakes up and starting arguing with 'herself' in the middle of the night (which she has done before).

I hate that I have to live like this and it makes me very sad, I eat my dinner alone in my bedroom and burst into tears, I read books with white noise on and my relationship with my parents is non existent, because of my sister I don't spend much time with them anymore as I can't stand the noises she makes and prefer to be in my room with headphones on to drown her out.

On my days off I will either go to my brothers house to spend time with my nephews or I will take myself to London for the day, thankfully I live quite close so not going out of my way, this has somewhat been a blessing in disguise because I've learned to be more confident and do things alone like go to the museum, theatre or exhibitions and just discover new things.

HOWEVER the point of this post is that sometimes when it gets hard, it is so difficult to find strength to keep going (please don't take this as I'm suggesting I'm having suicidal thoughts because I'm not) I mean I could just cry for hours and hours, I feel so alone and I don't have many friends to turn to for support.
Does anyone else live with someone who has MH issues who can give me any advice on what you do to make your dark days a little lighter?

Hi @EdaYildiz that sounds really tough. I remember your previous posts about your sister being sectioned and the effort you put into trying to get her treatment and the issues with your parents sabotaging all the efforts to have her hospitalised. Must be really difficult. If I remember right she has hearing issues too is that right? Working from home sounds super difficult. Is there any way you might consider using a workspace cafe? There are various places like Wework, or Homework etc dotted that have started up? It would get you out the house and around other people and into a 'work environment' and give you a break from it? What about a library? I'm not sure how old you are but would you consider moving out or is that culturally or financially not an option? It sounds as if your world is really small and needs widening - do you go to any classes like at a gym or a dance class or similar or an art cass I dunnot - things that get you out and socialising with other people, that take your mind off what is going on and gets you out the house? I think you need to keep forging your independence and getting space. Amazing you are taking yourself off to London etc - that shows good motivation and is brave to do that , some people would not have that confidence. From what I remember of the risks you took and effort you put in with trying to help your sister working with the doctors etc you are quite courageous and very commendable. Keep going and definitely focus on you and your own self care. It sounds like a really difficult life you are living and I'm really sorry it is this hard. Best of luck and keep going!

This is also so unfair to your sister to have to live with the torture of these voices and the distress she feels at people who are talking to her and the likely awful things they are saying to her. There is medication that would stop this or at least help it. Can you talk to your sister and see if she wants help? If so you could take her to a doctor and get her help. Your parents don't even need to know.

This sounds very difficult. Your parents probably aren't doing the right thing but it's their house and presumably SS are OK with your sister living like this?

Short term, if you're close to London can you go in and find a space to work? Cafes aren't good but I absolutely loved working in the British Library near Euston, completely free, set up with individual desks with wi fi. Lots of hotels have spaces where they just want you to buy the occasional coffee but are quieter than cafes.

Longer term, what do you plan to do with your life? Probably not living with your parents forever, are you on a career trajectory where you'll be able to move out at some point?

If you wfh you could really live anywhere, are you really tied to where you are?

I do think that all you can start doing is to plan your escape I'm afraid.

@FMLpassthegin I'm so pleased you remember me and thank you very much for replying. Yes, she is also profoundly deaf so just shows how different her world is to ours. I'm 29 and thankfully I have savings to be comfortable, but unfortunately culturally moving out is not an option.

Art class is something I've been putting on and off but its something I need to really get serious about and actually find classes, I might even look into Book Clubs too. Thankfully, my workplace is relocating quite near to me in March 2023 meaning I'll be able to drive into the office but it just gets hard sometimes and I just want it all to go away.

I still keep contact open with her AMHP and she is wonderful, she has kept anything I have told her confidential but does use the information to build a case, last time we spoke she had said they were taking this to court to remove my dad as her nearest relative before attempting to sectioning her again.

@Midlifemusings You're right, this is very unfair on my sister and she has lost years of her life because of being so unwell and I know she wants help but I can never take her to a doctor, I am Middle Eastern I would be seen as going against my father and be thrown out the house and disowned.

I make it sound like I have such strict parents but they are the complete opposite with me, I wear what I want, do what I want, go where I want and come home when I want they never have a problem but with my sister, they won't let her out of their sight (to be treated). When she was well, she would go all over London with her deaf friends.

@DoodlePug I will look into to places I can work however the British Library sounds like a great idea, I will look into that - my problem is I get told to jump on last minutes video calls every now and again.

I don't want to live this like anymore, I'm so tired of being upset all the time and sometimes I'm beyond angry I can't sleep.

In a perfect world, I would be living in California, Pasedena (to be exact) running a little bakery with the best cupcakes in town.