A strange one . . .

[LeevMarie]

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice and would really appreciate help if you've experienced similar/know what this is all about.

Background: Struggled with anxiety/depression for years, on and off meds, very risky behaviour as a teen, horrific PND, had CBT and talking therapy in the past.

Last night (and for the last few nights), I was woken up by fireworks at 1:30am. I heard DS stirring in the room next door, but he didn't wake up. I woke up DH and went absolutely crazy at him telling him that I couldn't cope anymore and I've booked a hotel out of town for tonight.

Then, I went downstairs and was crying and physically shaking for around an hour until I calmed down.

This morning, I'm a nervous wreck - I can't concentrate at work and am fighting back tears writing this, even though I feel totally ridiculous for writing this down and feeling this way.

I think I need to go back to the GP, but honestly, I don't know where to start with all of this. It just feels like such an extreme response and I'm not sure whether I'm just dealing with my usual bouts of depression anymore. The anxiety feels so much more intense and I'm quite scared as to what's going on with me.

I’m no expert but have a history of PTSD and OCD (both diagnosed by a psychiatrist) and I also studied clinical psychology but I’m not trained in in practically in any way. It sounds like you had a massive panic attack. I would think that the main cause is something that you haven’t dealt with that’s boiling just below the surface and your subconscious has been unable to keep it down? It might be a good thing in the long run as it will force you to find ways to make yourself happier. Do you take medication now? I find SSRIs make me so much happier and put my PTSD and OCD into remission. Definitely contact your GP. Best of luck on your journey - it’s tough but worth it.

Thank you so much for your reply @PixellatedPixie - I really appreciate it.

That really makes sense as I've also experienced elements of OCD and think I've used compulsive/repetitive behaviours to manage. When I think back, I had health-related PTSD a while back and what I experienced last night was really similar to the episodes I had during that time - I just didn't recognise it because I was so freaked out by my response.

I'm not currently taking any medication, but think that may have to be the next step. Out of everything I've had before, I was prescribed Sertraline for my PND which seemed to agree with me.

Thanks so much again for helping me out and replying. x

Sounds like a panic attack to me - they are bloody awful and only people who have experienced one knows how bad they feel.

It's clearly been triggered by something in that situation - sometimes you may not be aware of exactly what it is about the situation that's triggered it.

I think an urgent appointment with the GP is a great idea. Maybe also look into getting some counselling - I had no luck with talking therapies until I tried Better Help online, so I would recommend them (cheaper too, AND you can choose video call, phone or instant messenger). Something is setting you off, and I find that understanding my reactions goes a LONG way to helping me deal with them.

Best of luck to you x

Thanks so much for your reply @ClawedButler It's starting to make sense now. I think that's probably what happened, but you're right - absolutely horrible experience.

I'll check out Better Health (it was the first result that appeared when I did a search, too). Similarly, I've never really found therapy to have much of a lasting impact, but I'll give anything a go in an attempt to not have a repeat occurrence of what happened last night.

Thanks again for the advice and support - I really appreciate it. Sometimes it helps to know you're not the only one. x

Sorry to hear about your very bad night op. Could you be neurodiverse do you think? People with ADHD and/or autism often have anxiety and depression. And people with autism are often sensitive to noise and can have OCD, ritualistic behaviour. Sometimes, they have difficulty with ordinary talking therapies because they need more processing time than most. I am no expert but it might be worth investigating?

Thanks so much for replying @Firesideassembly . This is something I've wondered about for a while. I do seem to react quite badly to noise in general and I only started to notice how much it affected me when I realised that DS behaves similarly. It's the classic case of worrying chronically about something that your child finds troubling, then realising that the same symptoms are also making your life pretty miserable too, but as always, others are the priority!

I have no idea how to approach this as an adult, however. It all seems really daunting, but I've suspected for a while that I'm not dealing with typical depression.