I am in a huge mess. I signed up to mumsnet because I need to know the best way to handle this.
[Backstory]
My boyfriend and I don’t live together. I live in a beautiful 3 bed house (rented) with my autistic brother, however have never planned to stay here following the end of our yearly contract due to damp, electrical and pest issues which were covered up at the time of renting and have gone ignored all year by the letting agents. My boyfriend lives with his mum and sister. Mum is disabled and has undiagnosed mental health issues. His sister and mum fight like cat and dog whenever he’s not around. He is the man of the house and has been since he entered his teens. He is an amazing person and an extremely hard working man. I feel bad for the amount of pressure that has been put on him to support his mum and sister for the past 15+ years. He works full time Monday-Saturday, as do I. He has two jobs, as do I. He is also back in college for a year to help progress in his field. Everything he does is to help prepare financial support for me and the baby and also to continue supporting his family at home. We all get along really well. His mum is a lovely, caring person and I love spending time with her.
Now here’s the issue.
Come my due date, I am expected to vacate my house. In a dream world, we’d have found a place together whilst we find our feet as parents. This was the original plan. However, with the cost of living crisis and the increase on mortgage rates, it’s clear getting a place is not going to be smooth sailing. My mum has opened her doors to us for a couple of weeks, however her cottage is having huge renovations and is not ideal for a newborn, nor big enough for all 3 of us, plus my brother who will be moving back in with her after our contract ends.
My boyfriends mum has said she’s happy to have us all live with her which is great in terms of saving money and actually having a roof over our heads.
However, she is a hoarder.
The house is completely covered in trash, boxes, junk, clothes, food etc. like something you see on TV shows. You can’t manoeuvre around the place without feeling like you’re the playing ‘floor is lava’. The ONLY room in the house which is liveable is my boyfriends bedroom. This is no exaggeration. The fire brigade have been out on a few occasions and threatened eviction, however they seem to never follow up. The house has been a hoard pit since I met my boyfriend over 5 years ago. You try to throw stuff out, she goes through the bins and retrieves it. There is food in the fridge, cupboards, living room and dining room which expired years ago. She doesn’t want help organising or trying to make the place habitable. She gets angry and screams and shouts as though every bit of rubbish is special to her. There’s nowhere to sit, prepare food etc. Even getting to the toilet and bathroom is a struggle. It is not safe for anyone let alone a newborn.
My boyfriend wants us to stay there to save money so we can afford a mortgage/rent without struggle whilst i’m on mat leave. I fully understand and think it’s a great idea. However, I cannot and will not live in that house in the state that it is in.
I had the difficult conversation of letting him know the whole place needs to be clear before I move in months and months ago. I wanted to ensure they had enough time to sort the house out. It seemed it was a huge incentive for them and progress was made originally, but has since been forgotten.
I struggle with anxiety and depression since I moved to this city 10 years ago. I don’t have any friends because of it. They are literally all I have. The thought of being trapped in a bedroom for months with a newborn brings me to tears and I am absolutely dreading it.
I need advice on how to handle this situation. I could rent alone but i’d be very short on cash. The housing association have said I can’t claim for anything or go on the housing list until the baby is here and I can prove homelessness which just seems abysmal.
I just can’t believe this is the life i’m offering my first child and I’m absolutely disgusted with myself for not being able to provide better. I dream of having a nice, clean, calming space where I can thrive and nest and organise and to know I can’t do that is heartbreaking.
Please, if anyone can help me figure out what else I can do or try i’d really appreciate it.