Sorry for the rambling. I wasn’t too sure where to post either.
I’m in my third trimester with my 2 DC and this pregnancy has felt like a long slog it was a surprise, and caught me very off guard and took me a few months to come round, I do feel very attached to the baby now and so excited to have a little newborn in my arms again but I am so scared about how we are going to adjust with DD 1 only being 2 especially the way I’m feeling.
This whole pregnancy I’ve felt unwell, I didn’t get that blossoming stage or the new lease of life in the second trimester. I feel I’ve been a crappy parent and not been able to do much with DD as I also work part time and when I do have time off I feel AWFUL. Terrible twos has hit and we are having to deal with multiple daily tantrums, which sometimes I cannot handle I feel this is my fault. She is not bad child at all, she is also so
loving but she is a hand full and I simply cannot keep up, I love her so much and feel awful I can’t be the parent she deserves.
I’m failing at work, not meeting targets and deadlines I fell into this new role when I came back from mat leave and I’ve left it to late to review my role as I am due on mat leave again soon but these last remaining are giving me so much fear, I’m currently teared up thinking how the hell am I going to log on tomorrow, I don’t feel my manager isn’t understanding anymore and my pregnant woes are just a burden.
I’ve lost interest in doing anything with friends, I feel I’m too boring for everyone. Even my friends with children I feel empty after I’ve seen them. Me and DP had a weekend away with friends a few weeks ago and I just felt so sad the whole time, we love socialising but I felt this time I was so out the loop being pregnant not being able to have a drink and let my hair down (I was jealous I couldn’t have a drink, in no means do we have a drink problem but I do enjoy a couple) that I just wanted to go home and cry. I feel I’m losing friends.
My DP has been so good, he’s helped out around the house (as I’ve always completely dropped the ball there, if it wasn’t for him we would be eating beans on toast and living in a shithole), another place where I feel like I’m failing. His parents are not the biggest fan of me either which hurts as I have always believed I have done nothing wrong (they do not agree with how much my DD sees my family, when they do see DD very often and always been involved).
I feel generally lost just plodding through this pregnancy, my first pregnancy I embraced every moment and loved life but this one I feel I’ve really lost my sparkle and it makes me so so sad, will it ever come back?
I guess maybe I just need a hand hold, or does this sound more like anti natal depression, I wouldn’t even know next steps, sorry for rambling. Thank you for reading x