Worried about *all* babies - am I ridiculous?

[shilohsmum]

This is a bit of a weird one maybe - I’m 7 weeks PP and breastfeeding so my hormones are still a bit all over the place. In the last few days I’ve become overly anxious about my baby, worried about being away from him for any time (even when it’s my turn to sleep) and feeling generally overprotective; don’t want anyone else to hold him. I’ve worry about him getting dropped or accidentally being hurt. (Normal?)

Thing is, I’m not only concerned about the welfare of my own baby - but other babies too?! I keep thinking, blimey it’s bloody hard work with my own, who is wanted and loved - what about the babies without loving homes? Especially with how much attention and care they need? I can’t stand the thought of any baby being neglected or abused - brings actual tears to my eyes! And it seems to consume a lot of my anxious thoughts. I keep picturing horrible things.

Is it weird I worry about other babies too? I can only guess it’s hormonal… when I was pregnant I worried about my dog’s wellbeing - and other dogs too! I’d torture myself (why?!) looking up rescue stories of poor neglected dogs and feel super sad about it. Has anyone else had this?

Is it just hormones?

You sound lovely. And I don’t know if it is normal, but I was the same. DS is now 13 and it hasn’t worn off. For me it was like a compassion gene was ramped up to 11 once I had my DC.

I found since I had my oldest daughter anything related to children suffering in any way hits me much harder, and she’s almost 23. As long as your thoughts aren’t intrusive I don’t think it’s abnormal to feel more strongly about children after you have your own and realise how fragile they are and how much they need cared for.

Congratulations on your wee one.

I think it’s normal. An old lady talked to me about it in the street once (I had a baby who looked very well fed). She said it started when she had her own and didn’t stop, and so far it’s been the same for me. Not in an intrusive way, but, for example, the Ukranian toddlers in their snowsuits at the border on the news sparked that part of my brain.

I had this!
I cried when I had recently given birth because my toddler tripped over and we gave him a hug and I was worried about all the toddlers all over the world that didn’t have loving parents to hug them if they fell over 😭

I could have written this post! Sending you love, I found it emotionally exhausting and so sad to deal with the dark intrusive thoughts.

It will get better soon! For me it lasted about 3 months and my LO is now 2.5 and the feeling is really faded. It’s still there in a way but feels more like the pre-baby knowledge of all the sadness in the world, not the acute feeling that you describe.

Dipping slightly into Buddhist philosophy of suffering helped me cope. I also trained as a breastfeeding peer supporter to help channel some of this anxiety and do something constructive to help new mums and babies.

I also in this PP period due to the anxiety learned that I have a ‘codependent personality type’ which means an unhealthy level concern for the problems of others and some issues with boundaries. Became more aware of the ‘drains’ in my life and was able to surround myself more with ‘radiators’.

Also sleep had such a massive impact! I was so much more able to cope with the thoughts were less intrusive after a good chunk. Broke down in tears at anything even vaguely reminded me of children/babies when I was very sleep deprived.

For me a huge change was at 6 weeks when I discovered safe bedsharing and feeding in the side lying position. Could just feed through the night without barely waking up and the baby slept after better cuddled up to me. Revolutionary.

Can so relate to this 😭😭😭

I definitely remember feeling like this and not long after I had my second baby was all the news about Arthur and Star who died of child abuse. I was in tears a lot around that time.

I think it is so natural to worry about babies.
Congratulations on the birth of your special baby x

I hear what you're saying. For me it faded as the kids grew older but now I'm a granny of little ones and the feelings are back!!

I totally felt like this. Lasted to some extent until they were small toddlers. When they are tiny and so dependent I think your brain changes (literally) to zone in on their vulnerability to keep them safe, and (for me) this extends to all children. I’d get very anxious hearing babies cry and couldn’t help worrying about whether they were loved enough etc. mine are older and it’s way better now but I’m still more sensitive to the suffering of children than I was before I had them. Steer welll clear of any news items involving unhappy or hurt children. You can’t help them and you’ll just upset yourself

Aw thanks everyone! Glad it's not just me. I'm sure it is that part of my nurturing brain that's in overdrive right now. X

It's definitely the hormones and your mother instincts kicking in. I was the same - felt like a tigress defending her cub, and any advert, or anything else, that brought me to thinking of other mothers in less than ideal circumstances would have me wailing with grief for them.

I was the same and couldn’t read the news for about a year. It got better as he got older, although it’s still hard. I see it as the hormones making you a very good mum. I still get emotional when little babies cry though and my son’s 3.

Just make sure you’re ok and check up on yourself. It’s very hard emotionally and I did slip into depression for a bit.

Enjoy your baby op and give them all the love!

DD1 was in NICU and there was a baby boy there at the same time who was withdrawing from heroin and crack cocaine after becoming addicted during his mother's pregnancy. My heart broke every day for him and he's been on my mind for 7 years. I'd give anything to know he's ok now. My love for all children intensified 1000x when I had my own & I worry about the poor mites who aren't loved and treasured like they should be

We did this too and it also made me feel so much better knowing he was safe beside me. I know some people get more anxious bedsharing but everyone’s different.

I'm going off topic here but just started doing both these things- do you wind after feeding lying down? I worry he'll have trapped wind if I don't but then picking him up wakes him up so kind of defeats the purpose sometimes!

@shilohsmum
I'm going off topic here but just started doing both these things- do you wind after feeding lying down? I worry he'll have trapped wind if I don't but then picking him up wakes him up so kind of defeats the purpose sometimes!

Nope! Breastfed babies don’t actually really need winding. Enjoy ❤️

breastfeedingqueries.wordpress.com/2011/12/15/gone-with-the-wind/