How to find peace within yourself?

[Pollywhirl]

Hi guys this may sound like a weird question. But my bf and I recently broke up (I posted it in here a few days ago). And I am so broken and regretful. However, I know it’s time to look after myself and my well being. To reflect and learn from my mistakes and find hope that one day, I will find the man who is the right fit for my family.
The question is, how does one find peace and happiness within themselves? How does anyone feel truly happy with themselves? Without self doubt or feeling unworthy?
I felt like this since I can remember myself as a person, it’s no wonder that not one of my romantic relationships last.
I want success stories k want advice. I want to try anything and everything to feel at peace with my past and my present. To stop being so tense, to stop feeling I am worthless and everything is my fault. I want to be sure of myself and make decisions without feeling guilt and remorse. I want to be a better person I want to live, not just be alive. For me, for my son. I need to change, but I have no idea where to start, how to get the motivation to do it.
I know this group will help me, you’ve been helping me a lot these past few weeks 💕

Figure out where these feelings originated from i.e who installed them? Then challenge them.

Read up on attachment theory and how it affects relationships as an adult. School of Life videos on YouTube are helpful.

practice mindfulness meditation - Eckhart Tolle YouTube talks and the Headspace app or free bits on YouTube are good places to start - basically this helps you develop your observing self so you can step back from your feelings and not get too swept up in them.

Journaling is good to help you notice the patterns in your thoughts and the ruminations or catastrophising etc. Look up Nicole Sachs ‘journalspeak’ for how to process your feelings through journaling. (Her Instagram is also full of useful trauma education bites).

Therapy if you can - even a few sessions. Having someone observe your thought processes and feelings and help you make sense of them and feel into your body is invaluable. We change most through relationships. If you can’t afford therapy, listen to Abraham Hicks talks - sounds batty initially but so much of those talks are similar to what happens in good therapy.

Motivation comes naturally as you heal and grow. Focus on feeling your feelings and putting yourself first. It seems counter-intuitive but it works. Same with changing patterns for your son - the best way to do that is to focus on your own happiness. His happiness will flow from yours.

If you're just broken up you are likely going through an adjustment reaction and some of these feelings are temporary. In terms of self worth...I found journalling helpful after a breakup and one of the promises I made to myself is to always be true to my feelings. The other thing is acts of self care - whether that's a bath, doing something fulfilling you have been putting off etc.