Anxiety and people staying at Christmas

[TippyToesKnows]

Putting this here as I know I would be slated on any other section, for being selfish and unreasonable.

I have bad but generally well managed anxiety. One of its most prevalent forms is that I'm very territorial and have a hard time dealing with people in our house - even family or friends coming over for a few hours really stresses me out. I don't cope well with spending a lot of time around other people in general, except my own DH and DCs. I also struggle with change to plans, especially long established routines and traditions.

DH has announced that MIL is staying with us for a full week over Christmas, including Christmas Day, Boxing Day etc. I'm feeling very upset and stressed about this. Literally I feel quite sick, like my chest is tight and feel tearful.

I want to be very clear...I'm not saying for a moment she shouldn't come. She would be alone, and she's a lovely person. I'm just feeling very stressed with the situation.

We've never had anyone here on Christmas Day, it's always been special just us and the DCs. We work ridiculous hours and don't get a lot of quality time alone together. And MIL speaks a different language which me and DCs don't really speak so means she and DH will largely be in their own little world for the whole Christmas period.

And breathe sorry just needed somewhere to let it out where maybe people will understand a bit.

I hear you.

Would it help to break down the week day by day - planning what you are going to do each day and making sure that it involves getting out and about so that you have some space and get to spend some quality time with the DCs?

Can you organise your home so that there is a choice of places to be? An extra armchair somewhere so you have a comfy corner away from her if you need it? A new book to get stuck into or a new craft or project to keep your mind busy?

Doesn't solve all of the issues you've raised though.

Your DH should have discussed this with you first, not just announced it, especially if he knows about your anxiety. I assume he's got the week off work, and isn't just going to leave everything up to you.
If she'd be alone at Christmas otherwise I think she needs to come though not necessarily for a week. Decide how you could cope with the visit, what are your non negotiables, tell your DH you're not happy and you need to talk.
I would think she'd spend most of the time with your DH anyway because of the language issue. Plan things to do and places to go. Plan how you can escape regularly to recharge your batteries.

Having plans in place will give you a much needed feeling of control, which your DH has denied you by just announcing this visit.

My DH is not an empathetic person and cannot comprehend anxiety at all, although he is sympathetic - to a point. He just says that she is low maintenance (which she is) so expects it to be OK but he truly can't appreciate the physical dread this kind of scenario creates.

Thank you for advice to plan things to get me out of the way. I will do this.