I can’t physically be a mum right now & nobody understands

[LUFCMama]

I truly am at breaking point…

I suffer with depression & BPD; my little boy has just turned 1 & I'm working part time and studying.

I feel like I just want to be away from my little boy as much as possible but when I am away from him I miss him. In an ideal world I’d be able to just run away for a couple of weeks to get my head together but I can’t. I’m a single mum & my family & ex’s family are so helpful & trying their best but they also don’t understand & keep telling me I’m not doing enough, not trying hard enough & that they feel like they’re the ones bringing him up.

It breaks my heart saying this but I truly feel like I regret getting pregnant. He’s given me so much purpose but I also can’t mentally deal with the responsibility at the moment & genuinely feel as though he’s 100% better without me. He’s happier when I’m not there & I just feel like such a crap mum & that he’s going to end up resenting me.

I’ve never loved somebody more in my life but how do you deal with loving them so much that you know they’re better off without you?

I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time. Have you been diagnosed with the depression and bpd? Are you in therapy for that?

Yes I’ve been diagnosed; I was in therapy last year (again) but it just wasn’t for me unfortunately… I’ve tried all the different meds and talking therapies that the NHS can offer but it just feels like a constant losing battle as they never seem to help, no matter now much I put the work & effort in :(

I promise you he's not happier when you're not there. He may act up a bit more but all kids do that with the people they love the most.
Sorry your therapy so far hasn't worked - could you try again with someone else? Are there any local services that could help you out ie nursery places or extra support? It will get easier I promise. Being a single mum to a toddler is hard (I've been there) but don't lose hope, things will get better

I could have written your post. My DD is 14 months and I am going through a really bad patch with my MH. I'm not a functioning mum at the moment, I am literally hanging on by a thread and I constantly feel that I'm letting her down. The responsibility feels overwhelmed when you are already crippled by other stuff.

Perhaps a medication change is needed?

Sending solidarity and 💐