I feel broken

[McCrispish]

I had a breakdown in 2012, I subsequently was diagnosed with ASD as an adult. I have been off my medication for seven years now. This post will be incredibly outing.

This last year has been one thing after another, there is no break from it. I work full-time, am a part-time student, and a carer for my partner. He has a progressive illness, he will not be getting better. We get no support as my family lives in another part of the country. This summer he has had more medical problems, so he was constantly in and out of the hospital, the doctors put the fear of god into us.

Before the summer there were a couple of family problems on my side, so it was literally one thing after another. A couple of weeks ago we found out my youngest niece was sexually groomed online - I am not going to go into details as it's an active police investigation, she is not even a teenager and doesn't go to secondary school for a few years... I'm heartbroken, we are so close.

I feel like I have reached a breaking point. I can't cope anymore. I have called in sick today for work and I will do it for the next few days. At work yesterday, all I kept thinking were 'is that him?' 'could that be him or them?'. I know these thoughts are not right and I can't think like that.

I can't sleep and when I do I have nightmares, I feel and have been sick, and my stomach hurts. I'm crying or on the verge of most of the day. I'm worried about work and money as I am the main earner, but I can't cope.

I don't know why I am posting this. I feel broken and incredibly guilty, I will be calling the doctors tomorrow.

I didn't want to read and run. You sound like such a kind and caring person with a lot going on, a lot for one person to deal with, it's understandable you are struggling. Please don't feel guilty.

Good plan on seeing your GP tomorrow and hopefully get the support you deserve. Also check if your work has an Employee Assistance Program.

In the meantime, distractions can be helpful and self care is important so please look after yourself. You are stronger than you think

Thank you for your reply.

I managed to get an appointment with the doctor who has put me on anti-depressants. I also have three weeks off as well, I don't know how we are going to manage financially but my husband tells me to focus on myself.

I feel like a failure.

You're not a failure, you're leagues away!!

Your mind and body have told you that you need to take time out and care for yourself before you can carry on giving your energy to those around you.

It can sound selfish to say so but you need to acknowledge what is happening to YOU and give yourself some serious love and attention because what's happening to you hurts like f*. Self care is not selfish and it's not weak. It's building the steady foundation you need to hold up under the pressure of your daily life. By going to the doc you've started repairing your foundation.

So, leagues away from failure. Well done!