Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Noone is helping my depressed husband

20 replies

Quietcontemplation · 28/10/2022 16:43

I am at wits end & so is my husband. He has been in a terrible depressive state or about 6 months, went to the gp who put him on sertraline. Its done absolutely nothing so far. He's also started with some side effects he says could be seratonin syndrome so has reduced his dose right down without consulting a GP.
Referred through the NHS to some mental health team. Rang him & assessed him over the phone. Said his case was too complex for them so transferred him to our local adult mental clinic that deals with more complex issues (he's hearing voices etc).
Heard nothing from them yet but I've researched the clinic & read the views. The place has 1 star, is supposedly useless & can take up to a year to speak to someone (only over the phone)

This is my first dealing with mental health provision and I have to say I'm disgusted. No wonder people go on to do things to themselves when they feel completely alone & with no help.

In the meantime my husband is off work on long term sick from a professional, senior role, hes sending them his doctors note but other than that is not communicating with them. I've checked his phone (I know I shouldn't) and his colleagues have messaged him & he won't reply to them. I'm so scared he's going to lose his job that he has studied and worked so hard for. , I'm a disabled housewife looking after our 2 kids, my husband, dog, house and everything else. I don't know how much longer we can go on like this.

He is a shell of his former self. He doesn't leave the house, doesn't eat, sits on the sofa all day starring at the TV, won't see friends /family. Its terrible for him and us

OP posts:
bilbodog · 28/10/2022 16:45

Im sorry you are going through this but mental health services in this country have been terrible for many years. Is there any way you could afford to pay for some private counselling at all?

cassianroared · 28/10/2022 16:47

I'm sorry op.

MH support via the NHS is almost nonexistent, and when you receive help it's useless. Even after a suicide attempt. The NHS is so so poorly funded that the support just isn't there.

We paid for a private psychiatrist assessment and prescription, that they then sent to our GP in order to get the actual prescription at NHS price.

Aside from that we've been paying for private therapy for 4 years.

I've paid for it all on credit card. It'll take years to pay off, but it's worth it. The wait for assessment under the nhs was 2 years.

Mischance · 28/10/2022 16:52

I am so sorry that your OH is unwell; and doubly sorry that he is not getting the help he needs. Sadly, that is the current situation with NHS mental health services. I was assessed as having PTSD and told I would go on the list for help - apparently it will be at least 10 months before I get any help. That is not a service at all. It is total nonsense.

If your OH is hearing voices then I think it might be wise to get back to the GP.

Eyesopenwideawake · 28/10/2022 16:55

You need to go private - does he have medical cover with his job?

Pinkcadillac · 28/10/2022 17:18

I’d go back to your GP and ask for a referral for a private psychiatrist.
Hope he gets better soon ❤️

EmmaLouu · 28/10/2022 17:23

Hi OP, sorry you’re going through all this right now. Yes, I have to agree.. MH services in this country are terrible.

re: the hearing voices.. it sounds like quite a deterioration in his mental health from ‘just’ the depression, he needs a review from his GP fairly urgently - sertraline alone wont help this. It’s quite normal under immense stress and I really feel for him and yourself.

This will pass and you’ll both be okay in the end. If you could pay for private assessment/treatment - I would - I had to do the same and it expedited my treatment time. Because similarly.. I was in a desperate state.

sending love.

LiveintheNow · 28/10/2022 17:23

Can he access counselling services through his work?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2022 17:28

I'm afraid you have to go private. I would do so with utmost urgency.

FrownedUpon · 28/10/2022 17:29

So sorry this is happening to you & your DH. Is private health care feasible? It’s literally the only way to get quick, effective support now. NHS support is terrible.

I echo a PP that your DH will get better and there is a way through.

PritiPatelsMaker · 29/10/2022 16:32

I'm so sorry that you're not getting any support.

Does his GP know that your DH is hearing voices and has reduced his dosage of Sertraline?

PandaOrLion · 29/10/2022 16:34

Have you tried private therapy? IME most therapists will have a few reduced rate slots if you can’t afford full price. NHS support is often time limited too which private work isn’t.

PritiPatelsMaker · 29/10/2022 16:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Quitelikeit · 29/10/2022 17:01

I’m appalled for you.

contact the surgery on Monday and tell them about his hearing voices etc

gp referrals are graded routine/urgent etc so the Gp can put in a more urgent referral and hopefully to the right place this time!!

or as others have said go private. I’d rather take out a 1k loan under these circumstances and get help asap than risk him losing his job

Pinkcadillac · 29/10/2022 21:42

Sending good wishes OP 💐

Hope all goes well on Monday. I hope your GP listens to you.

KangarooKenny · 29/10/2022 21:45

Has he asked the GP for a different antidepressant ? He should be having medication reviews, so,can say he doesn’t think it’s working.
Did you think it worked ? The DP is often the best one to ask.

Cavviesarethebest · 29/10/2022 21:46

Does he have private health with his work - or at least a counselling service?

if not I would pay to see a private psychiatrist

SuSen · 29/10/2022 21:52

He needs to go back to the GP. Did he share with the GP that he is hearing voices? This isn't simply depression and needs addressing now. He also shouldn't reduce the dose without consulting the GP. There are so many different medications that may help he really needs reviewing by the GP ASAP.

ladywithnomanors · 29/10/2022 21:54

Mental health provision through the NHS is sadly lacking. I feel for you and your husband. He needs to go back to his GP in the first instance and change his meds. See a different GP if you think it would help. I would also look at private counselling. If this depressive episode has lasted 6 months then something needs to be done. Unfortunately you’ll have to be insistent, don’t leave the GP’s until you have a plan in place. Hearing voices is a sign of psychosis.

BCBird · 29/10/2022 22:01

Keep pestering. I would say check if there is any provision via work benefits or pay privately if you can. Good luck.

BCBird · 29/10/2022 22:03

I'm not suggesting yiu are being a pest, just that perhaps if you bombard services with contact that you may get something done.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page