Wishing I had a close sister. What should I do?

[BeautyAddict92]

Hi everyone. Haven’t posted in a long while. This post is going to be a bit emotional so if you don’t want to read through or are triggered by this in anyway I understand

so I have a sister but we don’t really get along all that well and without going into too much detail it has been toxic throughout my life. Lots of fighting growing up (on both sides). As a preteen until 20s particularly in the teenage years there was a lot of bullying and put downs on her part. As adults we barely speak as we have different lives. When I see her she can still put me down sometimes in public. I’ve accepted a long time ago that I’m never going to have a close relationship with her but it still hurts.

for 3 years I had a sister replacement best from who actually looked like she would be my sister but she went ghost on me 2 years ago and it still hurts.

yes I’m grateful for the other good friends in my life and also my husband and I love them to bits but there’s always that sister shaped hole missing in my life.

im always jealous of others close relationship with their sisters. I’m happy for them but it breaks my heart because I’ll never have that with my real sister and I lost that with my sister best friend. Yes while I still have a few good friends no one would ever guess we are sisters because we don’t look alike and I know that’s silly. I often regret not becoming a teen mom because I’m 30 now and if I had a daughter at 16 people would think that we are sisters and we would have that sister bond. If I was lucky enough to get pregnant this year no one will ever think that my future daughter is my sister because the huge age gap would be noticeable. I know that sounds silly and that being a teen mom is hard.

I just want to meet a friend who looks like me is either older or younger, has a bad relationship with their sister or doesn’t have a sister so we could have that bond and fill each other’s voids.

have you ever been through this? Did you get your sister like friend? How did you cope?

why are you focusing on someone looking like you. Why is that important?

Having a sister like friend who looks like me along with being very close friends will feel like I actually have the sister I've always wanted

Try and focus on enjoying friendships for what they are. Too much expectation can be suffocating

I say this with kindness but your obsession with this isn't normal or healthy. Please speak to your GP or get private counselling/therapy to unpick what's really going on here.

I don’t have a sister at all and life is fine.

looking for someone to be a replacement sister is a recipe for a friendship ending badly, why do you need them to look like you?

I would definitely look at getting some therapy to work through this all and concentrate on being happy in and of yourself.

DD doesn’t have a sister and says she never wanted one. She took a long time getting used to having a SiL.I have two sisters - one from whom I am estranged (hopefully for ever) and an other with whom I can be friends. More importantly I have 5 very good friends, one of whom is closer than a sister. Oh, and neither of my sisters looks like me!

You are idolising the sister relationship, possibly because yours was so lacking. I don't think that many people have the relationship you would describe. I have a sister. We have a good relationship but we aren't best friends. We speak every couple of weeks. You need to try and focus on the relationships you have and not think about whether they look like you. Plenty of sisters don't look alike anyway. I think you probably need to find a way to work through your feelings from growing up.

I can sympathise because I do have that close bond with my 2 sisters and our relationships with each other are really valuable and I can totally appreciate that it would be painful to lack that.

However, I think you are appoaching this in a very intense and somewhat offputting way and I can imagine that being on the receiving end of the position of someone who you are befriending with a view to them being your spiritual sister would feel rather uncomfortable.

Fundamentally we can't build good, healthy and meaningful relationships when we aren't at peace in ourselves. Between siblings we are able to form those bonds because we are able to do so in early childhood when it is so much easier to be at peace with oneself, but as you have experienced just becauseit can be easier and more likely it'snot guaranteed in all families. Nevertheless it's a lot harder in adulthood.

Like finding a life partner, finding a true friend isn't a goal that's best approached directly. By making peace with oneself and ceasing to expect someone else to come along and fulfill you externally, focusing on your own interests and passions and living creatively, vibrantly and independently, you are a lot happier and therefore become more fun to be with and more likely to click with someone. The neediness of someone who feels fundamentally incomplete without the fantasy person they are seeking is a generally offputting vibe to most people. There are people who find that neediness attractive but that's because of their own internal imbalances which can lead to toxic relationships, so such quests don't generally end well.

its not necessary to have a great relationhip with a sibling and you cant make it happen if it dosent occur naturally.
Just because we are born to the same parents, we are different people and dosent mean we will have a loving and friendly relationship.