Need to vent/Where did it all go wrong

[Goingoutofmymind90]

I had my baby boy 15 months ago, it was a traumatic birth. He was 2 weeks late, had to be induced, failed and then had to have a emergency C-section which resulted in me nearly losing my life due to having sepsis.. my baby almost died as well. I spent 10 days in hospital, I couldn’t feed my own son, I was bed bound. I was diagnosed with ptsd, I’m on medication still and still having to go to the doctors for blood work because I’m still suffering mentally and physically.
My partner has been understanding so far but now he thinks along with his family that I should just move on from what has happened and get on with my life. Since coming out of hospital I have become attached to my son to the point I won’t let him out my sight, I’m scared incase something was to happen. We have formed a really close bond that my son doesn’t want to leave me either. Separation anxiety on both parts. My partner and his family keep going on at me to let them take my son every weekend and everytime I say it’s too much they don’t listen. Me and my partner have had loads of arguments because he wants to take our son every weekend to his mums without me. I said no because it’s too much. I would like us to have our time as a family but he wants his family involved in everything we do. We are arguing all the time because of his mum. She doesn’t understand mental health and thinks I should just snap out of it. I am trying everyday to get myself back to my old self but I feel like I’m slipping everytime because my partner is no as understanding anymore. I said to my partner you can take our son out but he doesn’t need to be at his mums every weekend as it’s not fair. Sorry it’s long just needed to vent.

First of all, I'm so sorry you went through all of that, it sounds utterly awful.
But how come you don't want your son going to see his Grandmother? It's a very important age to create bonds. My two year old is very close to my partner's mum (my mums passed away). And I couldn't imagine him not seeing her as often as she does. She has him for a while today actually.
I understand it's hard to not have him with you when you both went though all of that, however, you're not doing either of you any favours by keeping him with you 24/7. It's very important for him to build relationships with everyone in his family, especially as close as Grandparents. Seperation anxiety isn't healthy and should be knocked on the head while they're still young.

I really hope you find peace in what happened to you.

I think you could do with taking small steps towards having space apart. It really wont be long and your child will be going to nursery / school. Why doesn't your partners parents come to your house and you just pop out for half hr or an hour, so that you can come back when you feel ready whilst being in control of the time spent apart. It is important that you have outside help, it will make your life easier in the long run. Maybe you can ask about some support groups you can go to, I'm sure there are other parents going through something similar.

Good Luck :-)

Have you asked for a birth debrief? It might help you to talk though what happened and how you felt.
As for your son and mother in law, have a think about what would be acceptable to you - say, one day every other weekend. You could plan to do something nice for yourself then, so you could use it as something to boost your mental health (I used to have a 'hug a horse' day due to a friend of mine letting me help with his horses - I loved it!)
You need to tell your partner you need his support and that you do not want to hear the negative things MIL's saying (if you do get told by him). If it's her, tell her you don't want to discuss it as you want to get better and her pressuring you doesn't help.