I’m sick of every new clinician looking at my history of trauma and deciding I’m borderline (bpd).
I have a diagnosis of ADHD and PMDD, and every time I have an assessment it’s a different person and they always put far too much weight on my childhood and don’t ask the right questions then they take my answers out of context and suddenly yet again they say its probably BPD. It’s so frustrating and is stopping me getting the real treatment I need for my ADHD which was diagnosed after a 4.5 hour assessment with an expert in ADHD and included her taking into account written reports and other pertinent information.
It’s happened again today and it makes me feel like ending it all because either I have borderline and am doomed to feel like this forever or I don’t and am doomed to never actually get sorted or listened to and feel like this forever.
Today it was because I said I was feeling suicidal on sunday while waiting for help for depression and I’ve managed to mostly keep myself focused on other things for the rest of this week and try not to think about the things that are tipping me over and nothing else bad has happened to make me feel worse.
And what’s really frustrating is I know my reaction to this just makes it seem like it’s BPD.
FWIW I don’t meet the full diagnostic criteria for borderline. I know this because of how many times we have been here before.
I’n just so sick of it. I’m not like this when I’m not depressed and I feel like they are failing to see the bigger picture.