Husband, bipolar, teaching

[gardensandbooks]

Hi everyone, looking for any wisdom or advice.
My husband is struggling and has done for many years with his career as a teacher. He has diagnosis of Bipolar but manages the condition well without medication. However, teaching is making him ill. He lay in bed for 3 days at the end of the summer break with the curtains closed and couldn't get out of bed due to 'back to work' stress. He is in bed today (his day off). I don't know how else to help him. I send him jobs and even help fill in the paperwork for him but he hasn't had any interviews yet. He was called for 1 interview last year but didnt get it. I work full time, we have a young child and can't afford for him to drop work altogether.

I just don't know what to do anymore or how to help him. He is a great teacher though and the kids love him but its just too relentless for him.

Any advice or similar experiences would be welcome. Thank you.

I'm sorry to read this. My Dad (retired now) was also a brilliant teacher and has bipolar. He struggled a lot,

Sorry sent before I finished.
He struggled a lot and I witnessed the low mood and exhaustion at home, whereas like you have mentioned about your partner, the kids thought he was ace. My Dad never engaged with therapy or self care practices, would you partner consider counselling, and maybe try journalling. I think you have to force yourself to do it but it can be helpful with racing thoughts I have found. In the end my dad took early retirement while they still offered it, not an option now I know. I wish my Dad had learnt to be a little less of a brilliant teacher and a little more of a present parent, but hindsight is 20:20. Good luck and I hope you and your husband can make some adjustments that help.

Your H needs to be seeing a therapist regularly. There is no way he should be trying to conduct a professional life as a teacher just relying on medication.

If he can't get one through the NHS then he needs to pay for one.

I had to give up teaching after a massive burnout/breakdown. Tutoring is a much more manageable option, especially now many students are used to Zoom lessons.

I have bipolar and was not diagnosed till I was in my late forties. I am also not medicated and the reason he gets so tired is the sheer effort of remaining centered enough to ‘not go off on one’.

He should try and get talking therapy. I have found talking and sometimes let’s be honest it’s the same crap each time actually dampens down all the emotions. I have rung Samaritans a few times to talk stuff out. They do not have an answer and I know that it just lets the emotions come out in a safe way.

Sometimes my life can be quite dull but I need it so as not to poke the beast as I call my condition. I’m sure he is a great teacher trouble is children are very unpredictable and noise especially bothers me and probably him. I actually worked in the library service for years. I now realise the fact it was quiet was really helpful.

He should avoid alcohol completely, bit of a game change for me.

I agree with the suggestion of tutoring. At £20 an hour if he can teach 5 lessons a day, he can earn roughly £30,000 a year.
He could do in person, over zoom or a combination of both. If he gets an established reputation then he can increase his prices.

@mathanxiety I'm not sure why you say there is no way he should be trying to conduct a professional career relying only on medication. I think that's somewhat offensive and I wonder what your experience of mental illness is.

OP, does your husband's school know about his condition? If he goes through Occ Health, they may be able to support school putting reasonable adjustments in place to support him. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but it might be an option.

Would he consider medication? It might make things more manageable?

Depending on your financial situation could he drop another day or move to being a teaching assistant? Doing supply could be an option - it pays well but there isn't the responsibility of planning and marking, although I know that doing cover can be very stressful in its own way, but it is something to consider if it's demands beyond the classroom that are causing stress.

I have both professional and family experience to draw on.

I would go so far as to say that talk therapy is a vital adjunct to medication.

I can see that my comment is one that can be read a couple of ways, and I apologise for any hurt I caused through sloppy posting. I'd like to make it clear that people living with bipolar can of course conduct completely successful and rewarding professional lives. The place of talk therapy is to allow a safe space to decompress.

Medication is great, but day to day experiences and longer term trends need airing.

Trouble is he's not actually managing it well without medication is he? It's not universal but most of us with bipolar are on medication.
He really needs to tell his doctor what's going on.
Massive stress is a guaranteed trigger IME so he can't let this go on and he needs qualified help as you can only do so much and you'll end up exhausted OP.
From what my psychologist and psychiatrist have explained to me, stabilising with medication followed by counselling is the best course for most people with bipolar.
I'd urge him to make an appointment asap.

@gardensandbooks

Your husband needs to accept the need for medication, and he needs to get ongoing therapy. He is not functioning well in all areas of his life.

Do you know his reasons for not using medication? I assume he is going against the advice of a psychiatrist on this matter.

I was a teacher (not bipolar) and it nearly finished me off. It's a relentless, gruelling slog.

I ended up getting an job doing education work in a museum. Pay was less (5k) but stress was far far lower and I was much healthier as a result.

Somebody has already suggested tutoring - another good option.

Alternately, perhaps he could retrain and train adults in some capacity?

OPS husband isn't taking any medication currently. But perhaps he needs to?