Tell me if you're happy or content with your life and why

[MiniHouse]

Hi everyone,

I'm feeling a bit down at moment. Everything feels a bit meh, but nothing major. I feel like I'm rarely content, always seeing the negative.

I want to hear if you're generally happy with your life, why, what is it about your life that you like. Especially if you're happy in spite of things now being perfect, I'd love to know why, for inspiration 🙂

I have everything I need and many, many things I want. Why wouldn't I be happy? I'm not burbling with joy every minute, but I've always basically been a happy, optimistic person. I feel down about bad stuff then I remind myself I have choices, I have autonomy, and I decide if I'm going to do something or I find and focus on the advantages and move on. I enjoy little things too. Reading in bed. A cup of coffee in the sunlight. The euphoria of exercise. Snuggling with the DC in bed and tickling them till they can't breathe for giggling.

I think happiness and contentment are as much a habit of mind as anything else and can be practised and cultivated.

But more than that I've stopped comparing – stopped paying attention to what other people are doing or having, or expecting myself to always be chasing the next thing. Even with all of the above, I used to feel less-than, discontent, disappointed in myself. And it was all because of comparison and a need to be constantly striving for 'the next thing' instead of enjoying where I was.

This. I'm working on this and feel so much better for not comparing myself whilst a the same time trying new things - and finding one or two (mainly creative) that I really enjoy (self discovery maybe). Gently trying new things as anxiety has been an issue for me.

Relationships (in all aspects not just romantic) are the biggest difficulty for me (I have also had an abusive childhood). This possibly brings me the most discontent/sadness and whilst I am relatively happy most of the time, there is a dissatisfaction in this area (interesting to hear some posters have decided not to enter romantic relationships or live seperately). I'm focusing on my dc (they are still relatively young) and also focusing on myself (as above) and putting myself first a bit more which is something I've not been used to doing - generally taking better care of myself and being kinder to myself.

I have also learnt to appreciate the simple things and this has helped too.

Watching your thread with interest op.

Every day I try and think of 5 things that made me happy or grateful during that day. These can be small things like the weather being lovely or can be bigger/more meaningful. Plus I always like having stuff to look forward to and count down to, that really helps me.

I feel a huge amount of agency in my own life, and I think this is why I feel mostly contented and lucky; but I'm not sure the extent to which that sense of agency is my recognition of material luck vs a helpful mindset.

I have two mostly-healthy children, whom I had and am raising on my own terms. Extraordinarily blessed. I am reasonably proud of the mother I've been growing into. Both my parenting and my career have been compromised in my attempts to do both, but on consideration I think I'm OK with how they've been balanced. I don't think having a roof over our heads is a serious risk. I have some very long-lasting and meaningful friendships. I generally enjoy my work, and it's intermittently a source of valuable validation.

I am financially reasonably fucked at the min (outgoings exceed income, income unlikely to increase in the foreseeable future, mortgaged to the eyeballs etc - there is def some work to be done in getting my affairs in order and budgeting better, but also I'm exhausted). I'm physically knackered from years of (child-related) broken sleep. I feel like I'm still mentally recovering from lockdown stuff over the past couple of years. But none of this stuff outweighs the basic security of knowing I'm housed, or the deep satisfaction of holding my two children.

I put a holiday on credit card earlier this year. I knew it was inadvisable at the time, the crash looks to be worse than I'd anticipated, but even as I know I'm paying for that decision I can remember what a joyous week it was and I'm glad we had it... not sure if that is material good luck, or stupidity, or just a happy mindset.

"Especially if you're happy in spite of things now being perfect"

I think one of the main sources of my contentment with life is not expecting or caring if things are perfect.

I had a debrief with a nurse on Friday. I knew things had been bad when I had an operation and complications but hearing it on Friday, I just feel lucky to still be here. Actually since the surgery, I feel much better than I have in years.
I have the family I always wanted with a decent, kind, funny man that, even after 25 years can make me all tingly just by looking at me. I mostly love my job. Our bills are still all fixed for at least a year so not as many money worries as some. I have a great bunch of friends.
Things could have been very different and I am very thankful for my life.

After 47 years on this planet and a tonne of therapy I’ve realised that material things don’t make me happy and other people being happy doesn’t make me happy. I spent all my life striving for nice “things”, killing myself to please everyone and anyone.

I now look inwards for my own happiness but had to get through the hurt and pain of self loathing first. I have spent years doing this. I turn 48 next week and it is the first time in my life I am really truly content in myself. I have firm boundaries in place and finally respect for myself that I’ve never had before. No one will ever take that from me again. I am untouchable now!

I feel incredibly lucky to have a very good life. Friends have commented on how they can't believe I can feel lucky and how I have coped? Nor how DH and I have stayed so calm. I guess I just get on. Life continues after all and I do feel lucky and incredibly happy compared to others.

My mother had a devastating car accident when I was 5. She had years of learning to walk and talk again. Years of physio and learning the basics again and still has ongoing difficulties which I support her with. My dad died suddenly when I was 15.

Since childhood, I assumed I'd have 2 children. DH and I TTC 12yrs with no cause found for sub-fertility. Our 1st pregnancy had Patau syndrome, and we chose TMFR. The next I MC at 7 weeks. I then had IVF, and MC at 9 weeks- despite seeing a heart beat 2 weeks earlier. Another round of IVF I didn't get pregnant. I never, ever, thought my life would be without having my own children. Never entered my mind. Last year I actually had a conversation with a fertility consultant who spelt out my poor chances and had I considered donor eggs? Well no, no one else had ever mentioned this in 12yrs so this was a shock. I looked into this, but still unsure if I want to go down this route.

DH and I are now renovating a previously derelict property. I love hearing the birds, lack of pollution and fresh air. When we bought this 4 bed property, I was still having IVF and assumed I might have been able to have at least 1 of our babies/children living in the house with us. This isn't possible now and it would be a miracle if I did actually get pregnant and carry full term.

I get passers by, dog walkers etc comment daily on how large the house is 'oh, you don't have children???' Its hard, but DH and I get on so well thankfully, I have a good job I enjoy and looking forward to so many things in my life.

actionforhappiness.org/10-keys

Some research-based ways to promote the release of happy hormones in your bloodstream and to increase feelings of contentedness and wellbeing.

For me it is a choice, l decide how I'm going to react to situations, what is worth my energy and what's not. I don't ever expect life to go to plan, and try not to think of things as good or bad. I don't expect to be in a state of bliss or constant happiness, all feelings are fleeting. l feel quite calm and relaxed most of the time, l am very open minded and accept that I' m not always right, and sometimes easier to let others think they are right than argue the toss, pick your battles. The world has room for lots of different characters with different opinions, that we are moulded by our experiences, "lighten up" is my daily mantra. I focus more on finding a solution than the actual problem, as well as appreciating all l have in my life, rather than what l don't have. I am a great believer that it's your mindset, not your circumstances that determines your quality of life.

I am late 50s (Yikes) and am happy. I have a lovely DH and DC etc. but the big thing was dealing with my DM and her expectations of me.

I am highly educated but don't like high powered jobs. I was in a 'great' sought-after job when I had DC and couldn't wait to leave. It was long hours, too many meetings abroad and got in the way of life. I loved being a Teaching Assistant but got constantly wittered at for not using my brain so I did a PGCE. Big, big mistake. I hated it and put on 3 stone that I still haven't shifted.

I am now very happy in a low level admin job. At review time I can happily say that I want to stay as I am. No thanks to promotion, no thanks to taking on more responsibility or little extra projects. I want to come in, do an excellent job on my cases, then go home. One of the questions that is always asked is 'is your job challenging enough?'. Well no, it isn't challenging which is why I like it. I want routine, not challenge. Makes it tricky for my managers though. No carrot to dangle.

I had a few huge rows with my mum who cannot understand my lack of ambition but that's sorted now.

I'm happy with my life. I'm low maintenance and don't want 'more'. I'm content with what I have which I think is a good thing.

Sorry for the ramble!!

I'm genuinely happy. But I have stopped over thinking.
(Menopause helps !)

Just don't worry about things that might happen. Live completely in the now , the past has gone , the future is changeable so you only have the immediate to think about

Happiness tends to be fleeting, I go for general contentment.

The comparison thing is very true... but I compare backwards. I grew up on an island without even a shop, in a small crofters cottage with only a fire for heat, where we had to take a boat to another island and stay in a hostel for the week to go to school.

Now I'm warm, in a suburban house with central heating, and can order Tesco delivery. Life is simpler, life is good, I am content.

Yet some people yearn for my old life... odd

After 47 years on this planet and a tonne of therapy I’ve realised that material things don’t make me happy and other people being happy doesn’t make me happy. I spent all my life striving for nice “things”, killing myself to please everyone and anyone.
I now look inwards for my own happiness but had to get through the hurt and pain of self loathing first. I have spent years doing this. I turn 48 next week and it is the first time in my life I am really truly content in myself. I have firm boundaries in place and finally respect for myself that I’ve never had before. No one will ever take that from me again. I am untouchable now!

This really resonates with me. I'm getting close to this (still some work to do on boundaries) but I have always been a people pleaser and thanks to my childhood, I have kept striving to attain recognition and validation (but nothing was enough). I don't do that anymore and I wish I'd learnt that sooner. I am learning to please myself more but the perfectionist thing keeps rearing up from time to time and occasionally the need to impress (and I recognise it and it leaves me with an unpleasant feeling). I have also realised I have some low level addicitons/soothing mechanisms...nothing that has caused problems but I have recognised they are my go to and have turned things around a bit. Not quite there...but getting there.

Thanks, that's lovely. I love your commute too, sounds like you made a wise choice 🙂

I'm glad to hear you feel better and can look on the bright side. This reminds me of something that happened to a family member who nearly died in a car crash. After that he looked and felt so much happier and better. Still it's tough to go through an operation like that. It sounds like you're a really strong person with wonderful people around you 🙂❤️

I think that's a good way to look at things. Sometimes I do, like if I read about an issue someone has then I think I'm lucky I don't have that. However this quickly turns to anger at world - it's not fair on them. Or guilt - why can't I or haven't I helped that person/charity or why do I complain about my life etc.. it can spiral.

It got me thinking I wonder how some people can simply see how lucky they are and others feel anger and guilt. Maybe it's to do with understanding what you do and don't control? Or stopping certain thought patterns. Any ideas?

Well done, it sounds like you've overcome so much to achieve contentment and put in place those boundaries. Would you be able to give an example of a boundary, if that's not too sensitive. I have simple ones like I'm not working evenings. But I know I get pushed too far because I always want to help people and I can run out of time for myself, and sometimes even those close to me because I've made time and space for so many.

I'm pleased for you that you've found a way to live that works for you. Well done on making the decision to move to somewhere you really wanted to live. Moving house is challenging and you've done really well to take that decision and make it happen 🙂

I take away the main point that what you do has to work for you, not what society or others think should work, but what actually does ❤️

I used to be very depressed and suicidal.
Now I take 337.5mg Venlafaxine plus high doses of anti psychotics for Schizoaffective disorder and I'm very content.
Ok at times I feel low but the meds 'lift' my feelings up.

On paper I should feel low as I desperately wanted babies but for various good reasons haven't had them and at 46 it's nearly too late anyway. I feel I have come to terms with it but at night I'm often dreaming about getting pregnant which upsets me.

I don't have a partner but Im happy being single for now - I feel that once I lose a bit more weight and get out & about more then I will meet a nice man.
I would prefer a fairly casual relationship to start with anyway.

I have a nice house that I bought when I had a career, before I lost my career by getting ill.
So my mortgage is quite low right now.
I have a part time job I can manage that I really enjoy although unfortunately big changes are coming up that I'm nervous about...

I have some lovely friends and close family.
I have an affectionate (and needy) indoor rescue cat.
I enjoy my hobbies plus I like going out & I love music.
I've just been on an amazing holiday which my sister paid for.

Autumn / winter are not my favourite times of year but I'm trying to stay positive and make plans for certain events.

That's an incredible story. What a brave boy. There's even more to it though. I bet he learnt positive approaches, like being proud of yourself from those around him. Someone very close to me had a near death experience as a child. I think they actually became more competitive with others and more bothered about winning (or at least it wasn't less). Though I agree there is something incredible about that.

I love this, I love how frank you are. It sounds like you have many interesting things to keep you busy without too much stress 🙂

That's brilliant, I have so much respect for you. It's amazing to make a difference like that. It's a good way to see it.

@glasshole wow, I’m so sorry you went through all that. Glad your life has turned around. You deserve it ❤️💐I’ve went through a very traumatic life too so far and I just want it all to mellow now and enjoy it. Your post has given me hope ❤️

Thanks for this thread - just what I needed today to get things into perspective.