Still reliving crap 17 years on.

[Pinkypong]

17 years ago I had my first child and made some terrible decisions, I was so hormonal. They’ve had a massive effect on my life and mental health. I’m still reliving them over and over again and still feel such a failure and critiscise myself over and over. I stopped seeing friends because I felt so stupid and now I feel so embarrassed, they’ve all done really well and I just..havent.
how can I stop this? It’s ridiculous and is stopping me moving on, I just feel like I blew it, I’m crap etc etc etc. please help!

So sorry to hear. Have you had therapy? You need to forgive yourself but much easier with a skilled therapist.

Thanks

I would agree that therapy could be a good idea.

Make sure your therapist is registered with BACP

www.bacp.co.uk/

Have you tried re-framing? So for example, once your brain starts that well-trodden path of saying 'how could I have done that?' - stop yourself. Say something out loud like - but I learned from that mistake, I was a different person 17 years ago, I wouldn't do that now. Then forgive your younger self, have compassion. Mind you - it doesn't stop me starting to have a go at myself, but it stops it spiralling into a long session of self-hate. All the best to you.

Thank you, bowed I’m glad you’re not broken! And I’m so sorry you’re having a go at yourself, I’m sure you’re lovely!
your right, I did get a bit better when I tried to say,’well done you got the kids to school’ rather than,’you idiot, they’re late and you gave them crap lunches’ .
it’s all.so.hard.
I think blue jelly and crispy, I’ll look for a therapist. I did have counselling but it turned more to do with Dh being controlling.

That's good to hear - well done! And thank you x