I feel so, so low.
I don’t even know where to begin, I feel like there’s so much to unpack and so many reasons I find myself where I am today but I can’t even begin to think how I will ever be ok. Combination of childhood trauma/neglect, DV, untreated MH issues and probably just poor life choices.
I have children or obviously I would just end it all and really the only thing that stops me is the thought of them blaming themselves in any way and I just don’t want to saddle them with that trauma.
But I feel so desperately bleak. I don’t know how this will ever get better. I have a night shift at work tonight and I’m supposed to be trying to get some sleep right now but all I can do is lie here and think of the most painless ways to end my life. It’s really the only thing that brings me comfort. I’ve tried for days to get through to the GP but appointments are always gone by the time I get through.
I feel exhausted and just have no desire to carry on.