Work stress and burnout

[Wizzwazzwas]

Has anyone survived this and recovered? How?

I am signed off for a few weeks. Only now can see how bad it is. But I'll have to go back (got to earn money!), and finding another job is an easy thing to say and extremely difficult to do right now in my area.

It's so hard to see how to cope.

I just got a new job. Now in my new job they encourage to log off at 5pm. Also I take breaks as and when I need. Also I care less now because health isn't work risking. I learned my lesson the hard way.

Honestly I am looking but it's so much easier said than done with costs rising and household totally reliant on my income. A pay cut is not an option as we couldn't afford the mortgage.

The only way to recover is to leave the job that's causing you so much stress. What industry do you work in if you don't mind saying?

I went self employed and I'd never go back. My burnout nearly gave me heart problems

I wouldn’t say you truly recover whilst still in the same job. You can take appropriate medication / go to therapy / take up exercise etc but I never felt as resilient as I did before my burnout. Like PP, try not to care as much. Do what you need to do work wise and not what everyone else would like you to do. I’m lucky as can retire soon, I can’t imagine how I’d get through decades.

Thanks. I probably don't need to get through decades. But it might be 12-18 months to find a new job.

I don't want to say exactly what I do, but public sector. A change of Govt would make a huge difference.

In that case, as it’s time limited, suggest you go to GP, get appropriate meds, try to get a private therapist (if public sector you maybe be able to access some free sessions via OH?), and try yoga / meditation or more of whatever exercise that you like. I feel better for all my strategies but it’s hard work in itself and I sometimes resent that I have to do all these things just to be able to go to work. It is also only possible as it’s time limited til I can leave. I honestly don’t know how people cope if this was for a long time unless they change jobs. Even then, I know quite a few who did change jobs but burnt out again.

Thank you. I have been referred for therapy. Never done that before so no idea what to expect. I think there's a wait. I'm walking more and trying to eat better. Might try to restart Pilates. Everything is a huge effort right now. Some days better than others, but on bad ones I feel tearful and work thoughts go round and round.

DH is off with work related stress but compounded by family stress too. GP gave him three weeks line, then four weeks and has just been issued another four weeks off.

He wants to look into finding a compromise with his line manager to get back next month 🤞 reasonable adjustments can hopefully be made for you OP. Can you condense your hours, or go part time?

I had 6 weeks off for stress last year and I am still in the same job. A private therapist helped me put in place boundaries, coping mechanisms and detach my self from my job. 100 euro an hour every few weeks for 6 months - it was costly but worth it.

Thanks. Sorry to hear about your DH. part time isn't an option either for the job or financially. It doesn't really feel safe to talk about the issues at work unfortunately.

So glad things improved for you Dox. Can I ask how you found a suitable therapist?

When my gp signed me off, it was on the condition that I seriously consider theraphy. He gave me details of 2 therapists that he thought would suit my personality and issues. I think it's important that you "click" with your therapist at least a little if you see what I mean. If I hadn't liked the 1st one I would have shopped around more. After all I was paying for it!

I think when you feel like this, everything is a huge effort. Like you, I didn’t have any choice, but even with everything in place (and yes, good nutrition is also necessary), it’s still just about manageable. I was a work lover before but all seems like trudging through mud now.

Good advice from PP to detach from work. I think of it as grey rocking work.

Hi op, just wanted to reassure you that it’s possible to recover and stay in your job (if you want to). However, it required a significant change in boundaries, and the way I saw work. A combination of time off work, rest, antidepressants and therapy worked.

In my experience it takes time, and accepting I was burnout was the start of getting better. Good luck op with your recovery

Yes, I got signed off because of this. Many things compounded to make life unbearable and I needed that break.

That was 10 years ago and I pulled my life back from the brink. It's all about wanting to. Direction helps too.

Think about what you do want out of life, forget what you don't. In the time you're signed off reset yourself and make a plan towards your new goal.

Only you can do this.

Thank you very much everyone. Really helpful. Despite healthy eating and exercise and sleep, when I got some texts from work colleague about work this morning I immediately started feeling like I did a week ago. I have asked them (politely) not to text me whilst I'm off. I can see something's going to have to change...

Early days yet @Wizzwazzwas
Take the time to get better.

Look at how long your sick pay is, mine was six months full pay then six months half. It takes longer than you think to get better from mental ill health.

If you are with an LA HR should be able to direct you to counselling, otherwise, and I would dothis, get referred for counselling through your GP. I had trauma counselling after my workplace stress through NHS.

Just get yourself out each day, walks, have coffee with friends, pilates etc
DONT feel guilty, don't let work guilt trip you. Limit your contact with them.

As said upthread, maybe in time look at doing something different, but take your time. Things will get clearer as time goes on

Yes, you need time, it’s only been a few weeks. I think you need months plus the therapy before you will be better. I was about 7 months. Think of it like a broken hip. You need the initial surgery, then some weeks of not being able to do much, then physiotherapy for months to heal. Your mind has suffered a similar “break” and you need the time and strategies to heal.

Hi OP 👋

I was signed off sick with work related stress over 2 months ago now. NHS worker. Disabled. All that fun stuff!

Like PPs I didn't realise how bad it was til I actually stopped working. The thought of going back would literally cause me to burst into tears. I've now handed in my resignation and would not go back to working in the NHS. They're just too understaffed to safely care for the impact that the work has on staff.

My feelings are - life's too short. I'm my work I have seen firsthand how someone can seem perfectly well one day and lose their mind the next due to long term stress and trauma (arguably, long term stress is trauma). I did not want to risk becoming more unwell by continuing at a job that was literally making me ill.

If you do resign, be prepared for no empathy or compassion from your employer. Mine have been avoidant and condescending. Try to emotionally detach from the process and just do the bare minimum. Get signed off for the duration of your notice if you can.

Thanks. I'm sorry you had such an awful time and they weren't sympathetic.

I can't resign. I have a mortgage and bills to pay and finding another job won't be straightforward. I have my first appointment for assessment for therapy next week. Hoping it helps.

Hey OP,
I was (am) in your shoes a few years ago. Like you, I first realised how bad it was when off on leave and I didn’t ‘bounce back’. You are a smart woman - I bet you have already tried lots of things on your own that didn’t work before you got to this point of being signed off. Now it’s hit home it is bigger than what you know how to cope with, so you are researching - I also bet you’ve already googled how to cope with this and asked people how to cope with it. Asking on Mumsnet is another way. All ways of trying to find out how you can keep going and doing the impossible.

It helped when I started to think of it like a DV relationship. Lots of women go back to toxic/violent relationships because they think THEY can act different and he will change. Or he’s made promises now, it will be different. It can’t and it won’t. You and your job are the same.

I also couldn’t quit immediately. I wanted to leave on my own terms, for a job I wanted (same pay/promotion). It was important to me. Although looking back, I’m not sure it should have been.

I immediately began looking for other jobs. I had a list of what I wanted and also a list of what I didn’t want, but would accept if the job hunt went longer than x time.

I also did the following things - NOT as a solution, but as a desperate stop gap to keep me on the rails until I got the new job.
-nutrition excellent. All fresh foods, healthy, no sugar, no coffee, no alcohol.
-exercise. Started gently with a yoga class doing only what I could do, and slow walks in nature on weekends. Movement everyday, but slow.
-sleep. I was in bed by 9pm every night, even if I couldn’t sleep. Good sleep hygiene, now screens etc.
-said No to almost every invitation. I needed every bit of time outside work to rest and recover.
-tried to put in boundaries at work. Firstly, that I would not check emails when not at work. Mobile only in an Emergency. Training people to respect that.
-saw a Dr to monitor my physical health. This was impacting my blood pressure.
-saw a psychologist.

The above got me through to a new job. But I don’t recommend it as a way of life. You lose your friends, family, everything to just survive for your job. I felt like a machine with work taking all my living hours and I would ‘power down’ for the next session.

Dont use the above as a way to survive the job. Use it as a way to get through less than 12 months to the next (better) job.

As otherwise you’ll be on here in 12 months, worse. And this time you’ll have to stop work, either via a heart attack or that you mentally breakdown.

Goodluck

Thank you. That's really super helpful. I have done a whole week of eating very healthy and walking an hour a day, plus been swimming once. It sounds small, but is a huge change from the last few months. I was surviving on whatever I could grab, reheat or order -hadn't cooked for months. Then things got so bad I wasn't eating much at all for a few weeks. My other half was doing all of that for kids. I usually love cooking. Part of the reason for making changes is that the GP insisted on doing bloods and my blood fats are appalling. My BP seems ok. I am overweight and that doesn't help, but that's no different to the last decade, in fact I'm lighter than a year ago. At least I don't drink much, or smoke! I am also getting so much more sleep. It feels like I am catching up at the moment.

I am struggling with social situations. Getting panicky etc or v tired afterwards. So I am just avoiding things mostly. It varies day to day. I think I already lost all my friends as I had no time since before the pandemic.

I think I can get a new job in a bit of time (12-18months max). It's this specific role that is the issue. I don't feel strong enough yet to update my CV, but I am tracking ads. It will require strength to start working my networks etc.

One thing is that work don't know the reason I'm off. I have physical symptoms caused by the stress so GP put something vague. I am frightened if they know it might be used against me. One of my biggest fears is losing my job or being put in performance measures. I also feel guilty for not being in once I'm not physically unwell any longer. And I find it hard to ask for another sick note due to that.

I am so sad at the state of my life. Four years ago I was really getting my shut together. And now here I am.

And yes! I have been researching both since being off and for months. Trying to find an answer...

Your number one goal is to rest. Resting lets your mind and body recover. So resting means sleeping, gentle (very gentle) exercise and movement and good foods. Rest doesn’t mean anything emotionally exhausting - including catching up with friends or family or taking on emotional problems (even reading/watching news or Mumsnet can do this!) You need low stimulation to let your nerves recover. As every time you go to work (or think about it), you will traumatise it all again.

I used to think my burnout as sunburn. And work like sandpaper. Sandpaper rubbing your skin normally wouldn’t hurt, but if it was on sunburnt skin it would be awful. My job was to try and apply aloe Vera and rest there sunburn until it had to face the job again the next day. But I knew from that analogy that it was a fix-it job at best, and the real answer was something else.

I say again, if it is so important to you that work don’t know etc (and I get it - it was to me), and you are determined to try and patch yourself up and keep going, then you absolutely need to be looking for a new job ASAP. As the above will only work for so long, and then nothing will, and you’ll be forced to tell work because it will be a breakdown or a heart attack.