I wanta baby because I'm lonely and I feel depressed over my situation.

[Notsure54]

I feel ashamed and embarrassed to say this. I have multiple problems and have mental health. I look at peoples babys all the time and wish I could have their life because I feel like I'll never get my chance.

I feel so down because I'll likely become a single mother and wont be able to cater to my baby because I dont earn enough. I feel so sad all the time because I wish I could have a life of my own and I feel like having a baby would give me this but I know that looking after them is hard.

I still live with my parents and I only have a part time job so it's not feisable for me now but when will it ever be. I have intimacy and commitment issues due to having a fear of intimacy. So I know I'll likely never meet someone and if I do they will leave because I'm not good enough in the bedroom department. It's really gotten me down knowing that I dont fit up to standards and I'll likely be tossed aside.

I wish I could be good enough to be loved but sadly I dont think I ever will. I'm not sure what I want anymore and that is the reason why I want a baby so I'm not alone.

Are you getting support with your health issues?
Having a baby/child is not easy and has a massive toll on most women’s mental health not to mention the first time they tell you they don’t love you or hate you. Children don’t give unconditional love, this is what parents give to children.

First things first, you need to work on your self esteem. Everyone is worthy of love.

It sounds like you might have had relationships with some utter twats if you think you're rubbish in the 'bedroom department'. That's all subjective anyway, and if a partner isn't willing to work with you to explore sexual likes and dislikes then they're not worth keeping.

How old are you?

Try and get some therapy / help, as this isn't a healthy way of thinking or feeling (which I think you know).

Is it helping or hindering your self worth to live with your parents? Are they supportive? Do you have a good relationship? Or are they actually the root of some of your problems?

You can get through this and have the life you want, you just sound like you need a little help to get there

Yes I am with my mental health but psysical no. I dotn think their is anything they can do. I have nerve problems down below and a low libido so I feel like I'm completely useless. I understand that children have their own minds but I cant get the thought out of my head because i feel so lonely. I'd be content with a bf if I was normal but I'm not and I never will be. I just want to love and be loved I dont know what else to say really.

I'm not trying to dismiss how you feel, but... none of us are normal. Everyone has quirks both mental and physical that we work around with our partners.

I can imagine it must be really difficult to have problems with sensation and low libido. The extent of your difficulties aren't clear, but there are people who are asexual who just don't want to have sex, but value all the other intimacy of a relationship, and there are also men that have low libidos too in a sexual relationship.

You're not out of options. It might seem bleak, but there really isn't anything wrong with you. Cliche though it is - you need to love yourself first x

Have you considered a pet?

I love my baby but its pretty lonely when I'm on my own with him during the day. It's lovely when he's happy & smiling but that's only a fraction of the day between the exhaustion, sleep deprivation, cleaning, feeding etc.

My dog, on the other hand, is the best friend I could ask for. A constant companion, the most joyous greeting when I enter the room, desperate to show me a leaf or stick he's found. Doesn't wake me up 4 times a night either...

YY to a pet. Dogs are great.

You say you'll never get the chance but I think you need to make a try for it so to speak lol 😄. You say you're rubbish in bed....there are a lot of women who are passive...shall we say, not all women are the dominant ones in the bedroom. I think you're overthinking that part too much. x

Read this again -

I feel so down because I'll likely become a single mother and wont be able to cater to my baby because I dont earn enough.

You first need to work on yourself. If you're feeling low and depressed, see your GP, and perhaps get antidepressants. Look for a full-time job - it will give you more money, fill up your day, give you the chance of a social life and perhaps allow you to save up a bit of money.

You say you want a baby so that you're not alone. That isn't a reason to have a child. Having a baby would be the worst possible thing you could do, given your mental health and your situation (living with parents, working part-time etc). How old are you? You have got years ahead of you in which to meet someone and have a proper relationship. First, get yourself better.

Please dont have a baby thinking that will fill in what's missing in your life. I did that and altho I love my DD it was not a good decision. It didn't fix anything and if anything made me more depressed. I wish I'd gotten counselling to deal with my issues before becoming a parent. Parenting, at least to me is tough, and can make mental issues worse, at least it did for me.