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Giving up

21 replies

starsparkle08 · 05/10/2022 19:47

I’ve had enough . My son with autism who is 11 broke my nose the other week . I’ve lots of previous life traumas , I just want it die

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Wibbli · 05/10/2022 19:49

OP, speak to someone. Mind line is a great phone service that can offer advice. Alternatively, your local hospital should have a psych Liason Team (via ward or A&E) and they can refer you to speak to a RMN straight away, and they can signpost you. Please don’t suffer in silence 💐

Nightynightnight · 05/10/2022 19:52

Hi Op. Is there anyone at all in real life you can call and ask to sit with you for a while tonight.

starsparkle08 · 05/10/2022 19:56

I’m just feeling very low , my sons behaviour is very hard to deal with . Residential school has been mentioned to me but it’s not what I want just yet as I’m hoping things will improve . At the same time I feel like I’m being pulled desperate and deeper down

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Bacardi101 · 05/10/2022 20:01

You have my absolute sympathy OP I also have a violent child even though she’s only 6 and not yet diagnosed with anything it is so bloody hard. Sending a handhold and a hug and please reach out to someone xxxx

starsparkle08 · 05/10/2022 20:02

Bacardi101 · 05/10/2022 20:01

You have my absolute sympathy OP I also have a violent child even though she’s only 6 and not yet diagnosed with anything it is so bloody hard. Sending a handhold and a hug and please reach out to someone xxxx

So hard isn’t it

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FlissMumsnet · 05/10/2022 20:14

Hello starsparkle08,

We are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
When any of our posters feel as you do we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:
NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon.
Very best wishes from MNHQ
Flowers

cloudyleeeemonade · 05/10/2022 20:24

I’ve been there OP, im sorry you feel so low and alone.

I called the Samaritans a few months ago and spoke to a lovely man - I still think of him taking the time to talk to me. We were talking for over an hour. It didn’t take away all the pain, but it helped me a little - it calmed me down and I had a little sleep after that. They gave me a ring back a few days later - it was just nice to know people cared.

Are you in touch with your GP? Do you have any help at home - partner? Family?

What helped me the most is when things got really really bad was “I’ll just get to this afternoon/this evening/tomorrow morning”. I found little things helped me - weighted blankets, a hot shower, standing outside my back door in the cold air at night when everything settles and I feel at my calmest.

Mine was terrible anxiety, I’m not sure if you’re the same.

Please keep speaking here and reach out over the phone - to a friend or one of the helplines.

starsparkle08 · 05/10/2022 20:59

I’m in touch with my psychiatrist and have a care coordinator , I’m going to try to speak to my care coordinator tomorrow. I just can’t see a point in anything . It’s just myself and my son at home

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cloudyleeeemonade · 05/10/2022 21:35

I’m so glad to hear you’re getting some support, definitely make that call to your care coordinator tomorrow morning. Is there a way of contacting a duty contact number tonight so she/he can call you back tomorrow morning?? Not sure if you’re under CMHT/EIS or another artics but usually you can call if you need to at any time.

Theres also NHS 24/7 crisis lines if you can’t wait until tomorrow. These will be local to you so if you Google “Cumbria NHS 24/7 crisis line” for example. You might have already been given that by your care co. They’re really helpful and can talk things through with you, or come out and see you if you feel cannot keep yourself safe.

I have no experience looking after a child, let alone a child with additional needs OP. I’m so sorry you’re struggling, I genuinely am. Resilience has gotten you this far, and although it’s so unfair and unjust that people seem to suffer through most of their life, there is always always a way through. Things will get better, even if they take a long time.

vanHalen · 05/10/2022 23:15

thinking of you, OP. That is a really hard situation and I like what a previous poster said, that resilience has seen you through.

Hope your nose gets better soon and you find a solution with your son Flowers don't let this pull you deeper down, stay here with us

fleurdelee · 05/10/2022 23:19

Sending you love and light
Understand that residential may not feel
Righy but if it allows you some breathing space and provides him
With structure etc isn't that a positive?
I know it's easy for me to say from the comfort of behind a screen

starsparkle08 · 06/10/2022 18:14

I’m worried as well If I say how I truly feel , they may take my son off me . He’s had another bad day at school and attacked his 2:1 staff . I’m just hoping he will have a reasonable evening

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stillsmilingtoday · 06/10/2022 18:54

I couldn’t read your post and run. Huge hugs to you, it sounds incredibly hard and you are stronger than you know, you have already been through so much.

I can’t see that reaching out for help would result in your son being taken off you, that makes no sense for him or for you?

Please speak with someone, Samaritans, or any of the other people mentioned. Also if you reach breaking point or cannot speak with anyone else please phone 999. I had to do this once when a friend was suicidal and it was literally a life saver. They are happy to help and will take you somewhere where you will be safe.
You need real life help to help you see that things will get better, step by step, that you do have the strength to keep going. That if anything happens to you, the world will be a worse place for many people. They say that with suicide, although your pain may stop, the pain doesn’t go away but it ripples out to many people, family and friends, who are left to make sense of the decision and wonder what they could have done to intervene. Much better instead to reach out for support to help you deal with your suffering from whoever is able to give it - family, neighbours, Samaritans, whoever, I would even go to a church community (I’m not religious!). People will be there to help you if you reach out. I imagine it would also be far better for your son to be looked after by someone else temporarily while you recover your strength than for him to lose you.

This time will pass and you will look back and be so glad that you made it through, for yourself and your DS.

Also don’t forget to talk to yourself as you would to a good friend. What would someone who loves you say to you in this moment?

Be kind to yourself, OP, you are living through a brutal time but things will get better. Don’t give up. Sending love and strength xxx

cloudyleeeemonade · 06/10/2022 19:23

starsparkle08 · 06/10/2022 18:14

I’m worried as well If I say how I truly feel , they may take my son off me . He’s had another bad day at school and attacked his 2:1 staff . I’m just hoping he will have a reasonable evening

That’s your despair talking OP, the people who want to help you would not take your child away from you. He needs his mum. Sorry that your DS hasn’t had the best day. Did you get a chance to speak to your care co?

I’ve worked in MH, and I can assure you that nothing you say will cast any judgement or shock. People working in mental health are there because they want to help, and they’ve seen people at their absolute rock bottom. Please please do let someone know how you’re feeling and what your thoughts are. My thoughts used to be able losing control and I had a lot of intrusive thoughts. I was so ashamed of them, but when I voiced them, the mental health practitioner said they were common and didn’t mean I was a bad person.

Things will seem more manageable when you talk to someone

starsparkle08 · 06/10/2022 20:09

I didn’t manage to get into contact with anyone today , I’ll try tomorrow though . I feel like I’ve lost hope of ever getting any better

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starsparkle08 · 06/10/2022 20:14

I literally don’t enjoy anything anymore . All I want to do is sleep and I keep thinking about ways to end everything

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cloudyleeeemonade · 06/10/2022 21:13

Can you ring now? Is there a duty number you can call?

It must be exhausting to cope at the moment OP, but please please reach out to someone. Even if it’s a 5 minute phone call to the Samaritans. Is there anyone in real life you can talk you?

stillsmilingtoday · 07/10/2022 22:59

Star sparkle - just checking in to see how you are today? Hugs to you and your DS x

starsparkle08 · 10/10/2022 21:38

I’m a little better though not great. Mental health team not been great .

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starsparkle08 · 14/10/2022 16:33

Seen my care coordinator today she said to do a planner of things to look forward to so I’m going to try that . I see my psychiatrist next week

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starsparkle08 · 18/10/2022 18:31

I don’t no how much more I can cope with . I saw my psychiatrist today and I just feel like I’m on the verge of acting on my suicidal feelings . Only thing keeping me here is my son, however he continues to physically hurt me on a daily basis and I’m treading on egg shells around him all the time . I’m mentally and physically exhausted . All I want to do is sleep to escape everyday life . That and I take the odd diazepam that I’m prescribed from my psychiatrist, I get a limited supply a month to use in very difficult situations .
im meeting a friend tomorrow so that’s a positive I just don’t like to burden people with the way I am feeling as there’s only so much anyone can listen too isn’t there as it begins to then affect their own lives and have a negative impact on them 😞

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