Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Can’t work out if my issues are stress, anxiety, depression, Perimenopause or all 4!?

5 replies

JustlookingNotbuying · 02/10/2022 14:11

I am 49 and for the last 6 (ish) years I have been suffering from a myriad of horrible health issues which are slowly driving me to insanity (NOT joking!).
I keep putting it down to Perimenopause but looking on a recent thread where a lot of women were saying they sailed through menopause I am wondering if a huge proportion of my issues are actually down to stress?
My symptoms are quite a lot but varied.

I have had IBS for the last 25 years which was always up and down but mainly quite predictable however, the last 6 years my issues have become daily and very unpredictable. I suffer from nausea, acid, gurgling, bloating, excessive gas, diarrhoea etc, it’s ongoing and despite endless and very invasive tests nothing has been found and just put down to a worsening of my IBS. I have tried everything to help my gut issues, everything recommended but atm, nothing helps. These issues are completely controlling my life
I also have very, very, very excessive anxiety, It’s just awful first thing in the morning and also completely controls my life right now, I feel so wound up, so very on edge. I cry most days and to say I am depressed is an understatement. I really have zero joy in my life and feel it’s over. I try many things to control this to no avail
I have no libido at all and quite dry and uncomfortable down there
I am constantly angry and have a very volatile personality these days, I fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. DH and I argue a lot these days because of this.

I am completely exhausted all the time and could sleep all day, infact as soon as I wake, I want the day to be over so I can crawl back to bed
I had put a lot of my issues down to low iron stores. Up until early this year I had years of excessively heavy periods due to recurring uterine polyps. This gave me ferritin levels of 3. I was on my knees and despite my GP ignoring this, I begged for an iron infusion. I had this in February and even though my levels are now high I still feel exhausted every day.
I also had a uterine ablation in April and now my horror periods are only two days and light, so that’s something but still I feel like I’m wading through treacle every day.
I am starting to get sweats (night and day) but this only seems to be a week before my period.
I do have sleepless nights but it’s often my gut issues which are waking me.
I have very annoying tinnitus but this may have nothing to do with anything!

So, I have all of these issues BUT I have to admit that I have been under a lot of stress over these last few years and wonder if I have actually been in denial about this and just tried to plough through my life as I believe that we all have stresses, that’s just life but maybe I’ve reached a tipping point with mine?

Over these 6 odd years I had to deal with ds and his secondary school anxiety and refusal (6 years, almost every morning he would cry and refuse to go to school, he said he wanted to end his life and the school did nothing at all to help and just kept threatening me with fines. (It was a really stressful time, I felt very alone during those days, no mother wants to see their child struggling so much). My MIL passing away 2 years ago from cancer (heartbreaking watching her dying, she was my second mum), my own DM being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (I help my parents every day as my dad doesn’t cope with mum), my 14 year old dd struggling in lessons at school and waiting for an ADHD assessment, my ddog (who had been my shadow and bestest buddy for 10 years) passing away 2 months ago and now my dh may lose his job this week after being in the same job 34 years!

Despite many doctors appointments, my GP has never mentioned peri and when I bring up the subject she always says we can talk about it at a later date but she always wants me to try antidepressants. I have tried them however, they upset my already buggered up digestive system so I end up worse than before.

I am in such a spin with everything and there is so much about peri and the menopause these days that I’m just not sure if this is actually peri or if it’s just a giant huge shit heap of stress causing my issues?

OP posts:
itscomplicatedagain · 02/10/2022 14:22

Goodness you have so much to deal with. I don't have answers but there are many similarities in your situation with my life and I have found a few things that have helped me.

  1. Swimming regularly or any kind of exercise actually seems to give me more energy even if I'm exhausted .it's also time for me to think or not think without other demands on me.
  2. Diet high in anti inflammatory foods and low in ultra processed foods.
  3. Meditation every day if possible.
  4. Anti depressants have helped hugely with my anxiety.
  5. Counselling so I can vent regularly to an independent person.
  6. Switching my sons school after 4 years of struggling. He was also diagnosed with ADHD and autism by then. I paid for a private assessment as so slow on NHS. He also had anxiety and counselling and mindfulness has helped him a bit.
  7. Making my bedroom into a sanctuary rather than a chaotic dumping area so I'm pleased to go in there rather than seeing piles of clothes etc.
  8. Talk to close friends and let them know how things are for you. You may feel better after the chat and connection is good for our mental health.
  9. Find a good series to watch that is an escape and watch an episode or 2 a night.

You maybe have tried many of these things already so I'm not sure how much help it is. Hope things improve for you.

paranoidmumdroid1 · 02/10/2022 14:33

Anxiety, loss of libido, crying daily, depression, wanting to go to sleep and not wake up, irritability and a really short fuse with husband and kids, tiredness, insomnia, night sweats. Inability to concentrate at work.
All these I suffered terribly for two years. I've been on HRT with the Newson clinic for 12 months trying to find the right level of hormones for me and now I'm fixed. It's a revelation. I'm immeasurably better. Life-changing.
Definitely fight for some HRT and if it hasn't helped in 3 months increase your dose. It's got to be worth a try to see if it helps you x

Surtsey · 02/10/2022 14:38

...looking on a recent thread where a lot of women were saying they sailed through menopuse...

Might I suggest that you head over the the menopause topic and look at some other threads? There are plenty on there where women describe truly dreadful symptoms, and how so often their GP doesn't take them seriously enough. Loads of support and helpful suggestions there too.

Gherkingreen · 02/10/2022 14:47

You have a huge amount to deal with, am not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed! A trip to your GP (or a different one who won't brush you off) would be a great start, to talk about all of the issues you're facing, including options around HRT.
I started using Oestrogel and Utrogestan about three months ago and am feeling SO much more like myself. I'm 47, still have periods but blood tests did show changes in hormone levels and my symptoms definitely fitted with the perimenopause: low mood, high anxiety, broken sleep, brain fog, lack of confidence at work etc. Crying over small stuff, stressing over everything.
Still early days but the difference in sleep when I'm on the 23 days of Utrogestan is literally life changing - sleeping for much longer, fewer times waking up and I feel refreshed in the mornings - before HRT I hadn't had an unbroken night's sleep in about three years.
My head is clearer, I can cope with normal and challenging stuff much more rationally and am less tired generally. I hope you get some answers and support, and are feeling good again soon.

Twattergy · 04/10/2022 16:47

Get some HRT. Don't get fobbed off. You definitely should try it out. Go to a different GP if necessary.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page