Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

New job anxiety

17 replies

Pinkypong · 02/10/2022 12:29

I’ve been a sahm for years not really through choice. I finally found a lovely job, Dh is dismissive because it’s not well paid which I’m ignoring. Since starting I’ve been massively behind on everything and am struggling to get on top of the job, and I think I’ll lose it. She thinks my it skills are not good enough, I think it’s a question of swatting up on the weekend but she says it’s more than that. What can I do to persueded her? I’m so anxious, it means so much to me and I hate that I’m cocking up. I seem to try so hard and just never get anywhere.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 02/10/2022 15:47

Who is 'she'? Your boss or your partner?

Pinkypong · 02/10/2022 19:04

She’s my boss. I have swatted up on loads of courses, but just seem to be an idiot.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 02/10/2022 20:08

Did she interview you for the job? Have you had any training?

Pinkypong · 04/10/2022 06:14

Yes, she interviewed me. I just seem to have been on a back foot from the start. I had to postpone because my mum died, then it was all a bit vague while we sorted for office space. I should have been leading, but I found myself struggling to find my feet and wasn’t planning clearly. I mean I had a list to achieve, but I wasn’t taking the lead enough. I was to learn about some spreadsheets from a colleague and apparently I should have had them open and ready, not waited for colleague to open them and know the password. It didn’t even occur to me!
I also set up a time sheet and changed the date format halfway through, which wasn’t good as systems would need to be very accurate ar it could be expensive for her.
I also wasn’t familiar with Google drive, it’s an hour course to learn! But somehow I was overwhelmed with the house, it sounds silly, and though I knew I should learn it, it didn’t filter through into my brain enough. other stuff kept getting in the way.
it seems she needs someone much more on it with Computer programmes who can suggest using x or y.

OP posts:
Pinkypong · 04/10/2022 06:42

What do I do now?!

OP posts:
tranquiltortoise · 04/10/2022 06:57

Pinkypong · 04/10/2022 06:42

What do I do now?!

You still have the job right now, yes?

All I can suggest is just keep going in and doing your best - if you don't know something, apologise and say you will learn and are there any courses you can do/ anyone you can shadow/ talk to about it. Just show motivation and willingness, and accept the feedback and what you need to improve.

Do you have probation targets? Ask your boss how you can meet those and if there are any particular ones you are struggling with, is there anyone who can help you learn?

It will take her longer to fire you and find someone who has the right computer skills, than it will take you to get up to speed and learn them. It's probably not actually in her interest to get rid of you.

So just acknowledge what you struggle with and commit to doing it better - that's the attitude that managers will want to see.

You also may not be doing as badly as you think you are. Keep trying- unless your boss actually fires you, you are still employed!

tranquiltortoise · 04/10/2022 07:00

Also, unless you lied in your interview (e.g. saying you were familiar with Google Drive when you weren't), she has hired you knowing who you are and what you can do.

If Google Drive (or whatever else she wants you to do) was that important, she should have asked about it in the interview.

Go easy on yourself.

Battlecat98 · 04/10/2022 07:30

Congratulations on your job I can imagine after being at SAHM that is quite tough. Your boss clearly knew your limitations when she hired you, the good thing is you are also aware. Can you speak to your boss and explain, maybe ask her what courses you could access to help.
As an aside, you mentioned the money, if it is a low wage then she cannot really expect you to be up and running immediately. Good luck.

Rubiesue · 04/10/2022 07:50

Ug, she sounds like an awful manager. She has failed to tell you precisely what’s needed. Perhaps she expected you to know. On the other hand, things like knowing password, opening docs — come on, this is SO minor. You made the mistake once, you won’t again. Google Drive etc, she needs to pay for the course for you (an hour is not long!). You feel wrong footed/unconfident because you’ve been out of the work place. And while it may be irritating to your manager that you’re a bit slower, she could be a WHOLE lot better! Plus, it’s hardly like it’s a well paid job. It sounds entry level. So it’s unlikely others will be any more skilled than you. I once had this, aged 30, when I worked with someone who had expectations of skills I didn’t have (& never claimed to have). It’s incredibly demoralising. The difference was I was young(ish) and fully in work force so I didn’t have that extra layer of fear that comes from having been out of work for a while. Keep doing your job, op, get better at it day by day. Look out for something else, too. Your manager will quite likely always be a pain.

Btw how to persuade her: keep positive (hard when she’s undermining you), show willing, dress for the role (this sounds minor but it helps! Look smart or whatever the “uniform” is), go the extra mile where you can but not to detriment of your weekend/personal life (eg maybe ask if you can do courses in lunch break? Or do them yourself, independently, if that’s something you can do).

ps I wonder if she doesn’t have kids? If so, there can be a lack of understanding of what you are going through. In that case, do NOT talk about kids or family to her, keep it all very work focussed.

Pinkypong · 04/10/2022 08:18

She’s actually very nice and has kids - and a whole host of support. She’s explained that she needs someone that can lead and take the role on, she hasn’t time to wait while I get up to speed. I just feel so stupid. I’m just new to this laptop, lots of different programmes way of working. They are all 30 something and put my head in a spin. I’m a more sit and work it out then do the tasks, whereas my colleague has 20 different things open and leaps from one to the other really quickly.

OP posts:
Pinkypong · 04/10/2022 08:20

I can do the programmes I need, it’s just getting as fast as them. I also didn’t realise how rusty I’d got on things I could do a year ago. Crap.

OP posts:
thefartingfish · 04/10/2022 08:46

So make a list of what you need to get to grip with and prioritise.

You tube is your friend as there are loads of videos on how to do IT tasks. Learn a bit every night. Check out 'Dummies guides' -usually explain things really well and clearly.

Sounds like lack of confidence is the main problem- keep communicating with people, ask if you don't know and give it your best shot.

Redqueenheart · 04/10/2022 09:15

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

Honestly, I think your manager is unreasonable.

The example you have given about the spreadsheets are ludicrous. She seems to magically expect you to know how she specifically likes things to be done.

If existing files are password-protected it is up to her as part of the induction to let you know what these passwords are. You can't access files if: you don't know where they are and how to open them...the induction should cover that.

It just sounds to me like she has not done her job by settling you in correctly and giving you all the tools and knowledge you need.

I would make a list of what you are struggling with and work out what is the organisation responsibility (passwords, processes, where files are kept, what drive and folders you will be using, what email/number to use for IT support if you have an issue ) and what are yours (to spend some time improving your knowledge of spreadsheets and basic IT tools like Outlook, Google drive) then go to your manager and discuss the part of your list that she is actually responsible for.

I really feel for you because that does not sound like a great induction process at all.

Pinkypong · 04/10/2022 18:36

Thank you, that makes me feel better a bit anyway. I just felt that whatever I do, I hadn’t thought it through properly - I offered to help prep the office for spray painting and wobbling around on a ladder, I thought the best thing is to get the polythene up, I can touch it up the lines around the windows with a brush later. I felt very stupid when she explained the point of spraying was not to touch it up with a brush later. That she had imagined Id be neat ( it was pretty neat!) and do it well. I felt about 10.
I got very nervous and made stupid mistakes, you know when you are on the back foot and everything seems to go wrong? Even though she is very nice, I’ve completely lost confidence. I’m also an idiot, I thought I could remember programmes that I use, but obviously I use a section of them and there are vast unchartered waters of these things that I haven’t used in a while, and am rusty at.
im shite

OP posts:
Pinkypong · 09/10/2022 10:49

Hello, I posted on another thread as I’m all over the place. Just to let you know I got let go, I’m devastated. She decided it was a bigger role than she’d first thought and she didn’t have time to train me ( I’d have trained myself) she knew I hadn’t done this before but with current economic climate etc. etc. she needs someone that knows all about it. Im a moron.

OP posts:
Redqueenheart · 09/10/2022 14:39

Don't be hard on yourself. it just was not the right fit and your manager has to shoulder a lot of the blame for what happened.

She seemed to be the one is all over the place and could not plan a proper induction and training and did not carefully think about the type of candidate she wanted for the role.

To give you some context I just resigned from a role after being in the job for less than a month. It just was not for me. The induction was really messy, the role was ill-defined so no one quite knew what was expected of me, I did not get on with the team and found their work culture really disorganised and too focused on endless, pointless meetings. Disaster from start to finish.

But I found a new job in my last week in the role which hopefully will suit me much better. So I am sure you will also find something more suitable soon.

Pinkypong · 09/10/2022 18:58

Thank you, well done.
I wish I had your faith. I just feel/ am ancient and washed up and have just totally screwed up the last few years of my life by being ..lacking confidence maybe. Not knowing what to do or where to turn.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page