I’m really starting to struggle with anxiety and I have no idea how to manage it.
lots of different things make me anxious to varying degrees, but my biggest anxiety is my kids getting unwell. I wasn’t too bad with my eldest (7) as a baby and toddler, like there were times that worried me a lot but it was generally manageable. But since my middle (2) and youngest (9 months) have come my anxiety over any of the kids getting unwell.
I think lots of it stems from the constant illnesses my middle child has suffered from. Since starting nursery last March he’s had several bouts of D&V, one of which almost ended in hospital admission, severe chicken pox which hit him much much harder than my other 2 kids including my then 9 week old, periorbital cellulits, several bouts of bronchiolitis, standard colds which as a younger baby/toddler often led to bronchiolitis, a few bouts of conjunctivitis and several illnesses where he had a temperature but otherwise the cause was unknown. So nothing major but enough that I think it’s exacerbated my anxiety.
my youngest currently has D&V and we spent 5 hours on the childrens ward last night because he was struggling to hold fluids and had gone over 12 hours with no wet nappies. Thankfully he managed to keep down some fluids on the ward and finally did a wee so they were happy for us to come home, which I was both happy about obviously but it also made me feel incredibly anxious again knowing that there was no-one there if things suddenly went downhill again. Now I’m incredibly anxious about my other kids catching it, I’ve been bleaching touch points and shared access things like the bath, maintaining good hand hygiene particularly after changing youngest’s nappies, sterilising youngest’s cups, designated a few toys for youngest to play with to minimise the chance of cross contamination (middle and youngest play with the same toys and my middle still puts lots of toys in his mouth), told eldest to try and keep his distance from him and tried to keep middle and youngest from being on top of each other, all infected clothing done on a seperate hot wash. And yet it doesn’t feel like enough. I’m sat on the sofa feeling sick with anxiety about all three of them being ill. I can’t switch off and almost feel like there’s an impending sense of doom. This happens every single time any of them gets ill.
Even when the kids aren’t unwell I’m often up until 12/1am listening out for them in case they’re being sick. I barely slept the night my youngest was sick in spite of my partner saying that he has no doubt that I would wake up to the noise of him being sick, he’s mobile enough that he wouldn’t choke and and that leaping up to check him every time he made a noise won’t make him not be sick. Didn’t stop me doing it though. I only slept more last night as by the time we got back from hospital it was late and I literally passed out from being absolutely exhausted once youngest was settled in bed.
as I said there are plenty of other things that make me very anxious, but this has been at the forefront for some time. I know full well it’s irrational, yet here I am. I’m waiting to start CBT and the lady who did my assessment identified that a lot of therapy I’ve had in the past hasn’t focused on my anxiety and more on other things, which I would say is true. I’m hoping it helps. But in the meantime I need some advice on other things I can do to help. Medications that worked for people? Other ideas? I’m so exhausted and I’ve got so many years of illnesses to overcome with the kids, plus I go back to work next week. I literally cannot carry on like this.
any advice appreciated. Thank you.