Depression or not?

[DepressedorSad]

Changing some details as this is quite outing (NC too!)
I'm on citalopram, 20mg and have been for many years
Recently my dad died (in June) and we had a very turbulent relationship so a lot of mixed feelings over it. My job has been really tough recently too, and I've found out that my relationship was a total sham, he was engaged and well, just didn't tell me and he was my best friend

I am really fucking miserable and I don't know if it's depression or just a totally normal reaction to a load of shit. Some days are ok, others I want to get back in bed and say fuck it
Can't afford therapy/counselling so trying to deal with it on my own. How do I know if this is "normal" or if I am spiralling back into depression?

I've lost a stone as can't face much food some days, but still exercising, working and only took 5 days off after my dad died as that was the leave allowance

I don't know if it's depression or just a totally normal reaction to a load of shit

The latter probably - that mix of shit would make anyone feel down. It would be odd if you didn't feel depressed so it's a completely understandable reaction.

Honestly that sounds like it would be totally normal to feel down for a while in those circumstances. I would still be careful though - you don't want it triggering depression. Accept its normal to feel rubbish in those circumstances, but also try to keep engaging in healthy behaviours to help those feelings pass with time (eg going out for walks, seeing friends, whatever self care helps for you).