Childhood trauma and its effect

[maybabymama]

What kind of trauma causes you want to be liked by others? Especially men. Hope that makes sense. Just want to discuss it with anyone who might have the same problem or has experience with it.

Sexual usually

Really? Why do you say that?

Wanting to be liked by others can be linked to low self esteem but even that is a big generalisation - we all want to be liked.

Likely because the OP said she especially wants to be liked by men? That can be indicative of childhood abuse of some kind. Not necessarily or in every case. But BPD and cPTSD I believe are very often a response to childhood trauma and commonly sexual abuse and an ensuing lack of a sense of self that needs affirmation from others to validate it.

Being adopted can create a trauma which manifests in this way.

For me it was feeling rejected/abandoned after my parents divorced and mum got a new bloke, he was physically and emotionally abusive to me from around 3yrs old always screaming in my face and smacking me around the head, mum always brushed it off as being my fault or me being "dramatic" or a "trouble maker".

have a read of overcoming cptsd by pete walker. the book changed my life!

I wasn't sexually abused by my step dad. He was an absolute monster who emotionally abused me and was a tyrant who was violent to both me and my mother.
I walked on egg shells around him, always terrified.

As a result, I grew up terrified of loud male voices and would fawn to dangerous levels around men that triggered me. I went out of my way to be nice to scary men and I would even dissociate so I couldn't remember what I was agreeing to.

Very, very dangerous. This trauma has contributed to domestic violence against me with an intimate partner, and several rapes and sexual assault over my life time.

I have had hard-core therapy for the last 3 years. I am happily married and my husband keeps me safe. He knows when I am fawning or disassociating and looks after me, because even being 45 and married, men still target me!

For me, it was emotional neglect that made me go after men. It was only once I felt secure emotionally that I stopped doing it.

And maternal rejection?

Yes, Ma, that especially.

Attachment issues with my mum - but also my dad. I was born at a very bad time in their marriage, and also mum had PND. For the first year of my life I was mainly looked after by neighbors, family friends, and older siblings. I didn’t form those important bonds with my parents.