Feeling ashamed about how I feel.

[Needtostaypositive]

I’m currently receiving EMDR for what was a traumatic incident to me. I’m struggling to get past it. My therapist keeps referring to a much more serious terrorist incident that happened a few years ago (not in any way linked to the issue/trauma
i experienced) that she is providing treatment to several people for and it’s making me feel so bad that I am feeling like I am when people are experiencing far worse. I don’t think they realise how unhelpful it is. I don’t understand why I can’t get over my issue when people who have suffered so much more need their help more than me. I’m exposed to the trauma I experienced most days via work. The exposure is making things worse but it pales in comparison to what is being relayed to me. Im
not sure what I’m expecting to read if anyone replies but if anyone is going to post anything negative please don’t. I feel very low and not sure how to get through each day. I’m literally getting to the end of the day and thankful to get into bed.

OP sounds like the wrong therapist for you! That sounds poor on her part, she shold know that by mentioning her other clients / and their issues you may compare your trauma and be confused. Your trauma is no less concerning than others! Suggest you read the PTSD book by Pete Walker (overcoming CPTSD) whereby he outlines how even supposedly "minor" traumas can impact you and people so frequently underestimate the impact of their own traumas. Trauma is still trauma no matter which way you look at it. At the very least you should mention this issue about comparing the trauma to your therapist, or even look elsewhere as it sounds unprofessional of her.

I am so sorry you’re suffering. Is the therapist referring to others in terms of what works for them? It’s not trauma top trumps! There isn’t a hierarchy of things you should feel more or less traumatised by. Have you told your therapist you find the comparison unhelpful?

Your therapist is a twat.

What regulatory body are they registered with?

They are BUPA approved. I’ve had several sessions now and it’s been mentioned at every session. This person was apparently very close to the terrorist and was badly injured. I have no idea who they are. I wasn’t severely injured, the mental impact is far worse. I just can’t process what happened due to the close work link. I haven’t mentioned anything yet but I’m thinking of messaging prior to the next appointment to say how bad I am feeling. I’m going over it so much I’ve completely forgot I put an afternoon snack in The oven for my kids and burnt it! Can’t even get that right.

If the therapist is minimising your trauma and sharing their experiences then they really aren’t a good therapist!

I’m not sure they are actively minimising. I think they are thinking it’s helpful but it’s not as I feel
shit knowing people are in a far worse situation than me re their trigger and mine. Parents actually lost their children. I saw one funeral procession pass where I live. This is making me feel even more worthless of help than I actually deserve.

No trauma is less worth of help because someone else is suffering. You are suffering. That means you need and deserve help.

OP, you didn't choose to be traumatised. You can't help how you responded. Maybe voice your feelings to the therapist.

Can you take some time off work or change work somehow? Just continually being triggered sounds tough.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, - the therapist sounds pretty shite if they are constantly mentioning something that has no bearing on your therapy!

Are you able to explain to her how much worse this is making you feel? Mental health is not a "competition". Your feelings are valid and you have every right to receive support. If you are not comfortable telling her directly, maybe you could write a letter that she can read at the start of your next session?

If you are not comfortable with this, or it does not stop her then you should speak to Bupa to get a new therapist. Also, you mentioned you are still exposed to the trauma at work - would it be realistic to change what you do/where you do it?

It may not seem like it now, but you can deal with this - you can (and do deserve to) get the support you need, with a therapist who is focussed on you.

I have asked for help in work for almost 12 months now with no actual positive outcome. Just sympathy and an action
plan which keeps being postponed. I’m coping by using additional annual leave thanks to Covid and other time off. I’m off every 6/8 weeks atm for almost 2 weeks each time thanks to my work pattern. Initially the support was fabulous. But management changed, as did interest in me. Im
now invisible as im functioning. I think some time off might be due to help but that means going through the whole HR process whereas functioning seems easier. If I submit my work no one checks as it’s just a tick box. If I don’t submit something it raises a flag. They don’t check what I send in.

Change therapist. They aren’t helping you and the only point in going to therapy is for it to help you.

It’s not helping you, so end the sessions. You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to and you don’t have to go back for a session to unpick your decision to end.

And when you start with a new therapist, be very open about why the previous one wasn’t helpful - that you don’t want any implied comparisons of any kind like this.

Yeah, im thinking about messaging to say focus on me/my issue and not other cases they are dealing with. It was difficult to find someone local to me as most are remote appts and not in person. As part of my rehab I had different type of treatment that didn’t go well. I subsequently felt the person I engaged was grooming me for their own needs. They told me about their attempted suicide, marriage breakdown when they were supposed to be helping me. I ended that quickly but the damage was unfortunately done.

I can’t believe I’m actually writing and living through this. I feel so unworthy when I know what other people are living through. Just ignore me and I’ll work it out.

It's not about worthy or unworthy. It's like sometimes people have migraines and need to lie down for a bit even though it's not as bad as being in the emergency department. Or getting your brake pads replaced even though there's cars that got wrecked. There will always be people in worse circumstances.

Imagine if you went to the doctor about a migraine and they kept banging on about their cancer patients. So weird.

It’s really unprofessional of them to minimise your situation and compare it to another situation. They are being ridiculous, that isn’t going to help anyone. You definitely need to change therapist. The last thing you need in your situation is to feel invalidated because that will worsen your mental health. Your problem is worthy of the correct treatment.

Thank you. I think a huge part of the issue is I feel unworthy. I’ve tried so hard to overcome the issue, tried to deal with it in work and no one is listening. It makes me feel I am being stupid and over reacting. It’s just having such a negative affect on me at home and on my family. My OH is amazing in dealing with this. I don’t know how he puts up with it but he does.

This is exactly why you need to change therapist. Part of struggling with mental health is feeling unworthy. You therapist is minimising your experience by comparing it to someone else’s, that is going to make you feel more unworthy. You need a therapist who is going to focus on just you (which they should be doing anyway), and validate your feelings. IME validation is a big part of the healing process.