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Partners depression

3 replies

chocandwine91 · 27/09/2022 12:20

Posted in 'relationships' and thought I'd ask here as well.

Hello, I'm hoping for some advice please. I've been with my partner for two years and things have been going well. I moved into his house last year and since then things have gone downhill. He has suffered with depression for years (lockdown didn't help)
he did go to the Dr and they prescribed him some medication but he didn't take them.
He says meeting me made him the happiest he's been in years and I 'saved his life'
We discussed trying for a baby and I came off the pill in February.
Bit of backstory.. he has never had a high sex drive, it dwindled for us after about 3 months. It went from 3/4 times a week to just weekends now its once a month. I was always getting turned down whenever I initiated anything, "I'm too full, I've got heartburn or "I'm too tired" I discussed this with him on a few occasions and he'd just say sorry I'll make more of an effort. I also made it clear it wasn't about baby-making it's just intimacy and normal to have sex.
I feel we have become more like friends/roommates. I also noticed he drinks about 8-10 cans of cider daily, I've read online alcohol doesn't help libido.
Things reached boiling point the other night when I said I was going to my moms for a few days (thinking a break would be good) he was drunk and he broke down saying he is depressed, lonely and worried about work. I comforted him and said I can help with anything he needs and its good he told me. I work in healthcare & suggested I get him an appointment. He said no he'd do it himself so I asked the following day and he said he doesn't want medication so I said that's not the only option i.e CBT or healthy minds can help, again he said he'd phone them but when I asked he said he's not going to bother !? I understand he has to want to get better but without taking these steps how is that going to happen?
I'm really worried he is going to get worse.
Sorry for going on just looking for advice. Thank you

OP posts:
HairyMothballs · 27/09/2022 12:25

It can be really difficult for a person to admit that they're depressed. Men, especially, find it hard to admit that they cannot cope or they're feeling very low. Drinking alcohol (and 8-10 cans daily is an awful lot) will make his depression worse.

If possible, make an appointment for him with the GP, and go with him.

It sounds as though he would benefit from taking antidepressants (and actually taking them) Good luck x

TheSausageKingofChicago · 27/09/2022 12:32

If he drinks 8-10 cans of cider a day he’s bound to be depressed. It can be a bit chicken and egg, because drinking masks the depression for him in the moment, but it’s stealing happiness from the next day.
I’d hold off the baby plans for now, as the drinking sounds like more of an issue than you are making it. That is a lot of cider and suggests a problem.
Are you sure he’s ready for a baby? And really onboard?
All you can do is encourage him to get help. If he isn’t prepared to then you need to consider whether this is the life you want for you and your future child, which it sounds like you are doing by going to your mum’s.

tickticksnooze · 27/09/2022 12:53

Is this about depression or a relationship that's run its course?

Don't bring a baby into this.

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