OCD buddies, come on in...but take your shoes off first!!

[foosfan]

I'm suffering from depression but a large factor of that is OCD which in me manifests itself as obssesive cleaning and weird little routines etc that are as debillitating to your life as any other illness.
The hardest thing of all is trying to hide it from other people.
How many of you have this in one form or another?
I thought I'd start a thread for us.
Going to wash my hands now...

Just me then!

I wash my hands way too much, they are all chapped and old. I also use those little hand sanitisers and spray dettox on taps and door handles fairly obsessively. But it keeps me happy and does no-one any harm. I think you will be fine as you can still laugh at your obsessions, just like I laugh at myself when I'm doing it but still do it. We all have something a bit different. I get esp. bad when the kids are back at school bringing so many germs home!!!!

Yep, me too. Am mostly OK thanks to Prozac. `At my worst, handwashing galore, and spending several hours ruminating and stressing over whether to clean the floor or not, etc . PG was a huge flashpoint for me.

Im a little bit like Jack Nicolson in "as good as it gets" only i'd hope a bit more feminine looking!
My AD didnt seem to help but GP has just upped the dose so fingers crossed

I have pretty bad OCD - I don't hand-wash or have the repeated rituals that most people associate with OCD; mine is all in my head.

I count letters in words as I hear, speak or read them, and I have to make an even number of letters before I stop ... or a 9 letter word means I can stop as well. Until the next page, or the next paragraph or whenever, and it all starts again. It can take hours just to read one page when it's at it's worst.

I have to do things equally on both sides - footsteps, or if I catch my hand on the desk or clash my teeth together on one side, for instance, I have to even it out on the other. Sometimes I can sit for ages just trying to get the two sides absolutely equal.

I do things which are a bit like an extension of not stepping on the cracks in pavements ... although I'm happy enough to step on cracks, so I'm not completely barking! If there is a paved section of footpath between non-paved sections, I have to start with my left foot and end on my right - same with steps, start with the left, end with the right, nifty little shuffle half way down if I can see I've got it wrong.

Even dh doesn't know about any of this; he would think I was crazy if he knew. I did get as far as telling the GP when I was being treated for depression, but he didn't really take the OCD all that seriously because it wasn't manifesting itself in a physical way. He thought that the ads would help the OCD because he felt it was based in anxiety - but they didn't.

Have you always had this wigwam?
Mine started when I was twelve I remember it well!

I think I've always had tendancies towards OCD - I used to do lots of pretty low-level stuff from about 10 or 11, I suppose. But nothing major, and nothing that I considered odd at the time. The steps thing and the making everything equal started around then.

The word-counting came on as an adult, around the time I got married - so about 13 years ago. I remember being on honeymoon thinking "something odd about this ..."!

Love the thread title

I'm 'recovering'... handwashing and disinfectant-dousing (and vinegar-drinking ) were my behaviours of (ha) 'choice' as a teenager. I am now to all intents and purposes absolutely fine, but in times of stress I have mildish episodes.

Apparently, I read in a study of OCD once, sufferers tend to be of above average intelligence.

Thats great, so we are bright enough to know we are nuts but still we do it!

Mine started when I was on holiday in north Wales and (big suprise) it rained every day. I can remember thinking if I used a different shampoo it would stop.
!!!!
From then on I considered things to be "lucky" ranging from where I brought things from, I would go out of my way to say buy something from a certain shop because "nothing bad" had happened since the last time I brought said item, to having to wear a certain pair of pants if I went to a particular place.
All that running around and worrying kept me nice and fit though!

I still blame Wales for turning me into a mentallist!

foosfan - yes, we 'think too much'. IMO OCD is an extreme of world-ordering and chaos-suppressing strategies that everyone uses to some extent. So almost inevitable that a degree of intelligence might come with the territory.

Personally I think OCD may be linked to a hormonal problem as it seems to come on in puberty.
Do more women have it than men?
My brother and my father have it to some degree too which is a bit odd.
IMO OCD has caused more problems in my marriage than my depression because I run around doing unnecessary housework (which I hate doing) then I get all resentfull of my DH because I didnt want to do it in the first place.
Ring bells with anyone?

I get really paranoid if my DH cooks for me (which is nice) but I'm not sure he's washed his hands. It drives him mad, as I can't stop myself asking him if he's washed his hands, which makes me sound very mumsy and controlling to him! I've also heard that OCDers are more intelligent, but I think I've read it's also linked to Type A personalities - often eldest children, obsessive and perfectionist, high achieving academically but put too much pressure on themselves, control freaks, bossy etc etc. That's me all over. There is depression in my family, but I am lucky I didn't get that bit, just the OCD bit. Think there are more of us out there than we realise, a very sorted-out, high achieving pal of mine recently admitted she does all sorts of OCD stuff, and has never told anyone about it. My thing is also that things have to add up to my lucky numbers, eg I can't finish a book on a page number unless it adds up to 2,7,9, 5 or 3 - luckily I have quite a wide range of numbers!!

Hi foosfan - you'll find there are quite a few of us here ! there have been some good threads too in the past,which I'll see if I can find. I've had it for years and had loads of therapy/CBT/ anti depressants / hypnotherapy in my time. At one point I think I was almost suicidal - this was a very long time ago. Interestingly it started up with a vengence when I was pregnant. Manageable now but I'd rather not have it !

[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2100/404590?o=1201266589522 ocd thread here]

sorry...here !

Wow, I just read some of this Maryann and my first thought is: what nice, caring, kind people the OCDers are! The only comparable thread on MN, where people are really kind and helpful, is the SEN thread which I go on due to my autistic son. I used to get panic attacks in my 20s, just when my career was taking off and so the pressure was mounting, and I found hypnotherapy was fantastic. I still repeat the Mantra "I am calm and relaxed, things are perfectly alright" while exhaling very slowly, if I feel panic coming on. There was an absolutely fantastic hypnotherapy video which I had too, but lost and have never been able to find it again - it was all about how to control panic attacks, and it used subliminal messaging (eg flash frames of words like "relax") and took you through what happens in a panic attack and how to control it by hypnotising yourself. If it rings any bells, I'd love to see that video again and to recommend it to others. Think it was from the association of hynotherapists, but have tried there on-line and no joy. Thanks for the thread Maryann!

no problem ancient ! ( love the name btw,that should be my name !)...I really do try to conjour up the good hypnotherapy techniques I learned to calm myself, but sometimes it's quite hard...my hypnotherapist does good relation cds mail order if you're interested - you can hear samples on the website.

not relation- relaxation !

here

They look good Mary, might try as could listen in car or at bed time! This video I lost was very clever as it explained how your subconscious mind triggers a panic attack because it thinks it is under threat, so it produces adrenalin etc for a "fight or flight" response. But actually your sub-conscious is just like a dumb animal, and can be brought back under control by your conscious mind telling it that everything is fine, there is no need for fear, you are calm and relaxed. That made quite a lot of sense to me, and the video sort of hypnotised you into learning how to bring back your sub-conscious under control - there was a picture I'll always remember of the subconscious mind as a horse, and you and your conscious mind sitting in the cart behind telling it where to go and what to do! I thought my panic attacks were coming back recently, especially on motorways, but I can just about still control them with the mantras etc. Think menopause and having an SEN child may have recreated a combination of stress and hormones that starts my panic attack triggers. Wonder if OCD and panic attacks always go hand in hand?

don't listen to them in the car !!! you might go off into a trance !

Excuse me for butting in but am finding this very interesting as I have concerns that dd1 might be developing OCD. Have mentioned it to a couple of friends, but they've dismissed it saying "kids do that sort of thing" - even DH said he had to walk on certain paving slabs to school. And thinking about it I have a couple of oddities like having to spell words in the air with my foot and walking around furniture (in my head) in a certain way! Oh god we're an OCD family!

Back to dd1 - she is all of the things you mention ancientmiddleagedmum - eldest child, perfectionist, very bright. Things have to be done in a certain way or she can get hysterical. She only 8 - do I need to do anything, should I be worried - what can I do to help her - or is it just common childhood behaviour?

Tricky, mamalocco, you don't to make too much of it I don't think, as she might just grow out of it like kids do of many little phases, but you could gently get her to talk about it when she's relaxed. To me, it's all about superstition - eg if I don't do this, something bad will happen. Maybe you can talk to her about how actually the world tootles along on its own course, regardless pretty much of what we do. The other thing, looking back, is that I always felt under great pressure to do well in exams - partly self-imposed, as once I'd got 95% once in an exam, I didn't want to let myself down by getting any lower. I know it's a cliche, but could you tell her that you love her whatever exams or results she gets? I'm not sure I ever actually got told that, so somewhere in my head I came to associate academic or career success with approval/love. I am trying to make a real point of telling my eldest daughter as much as I can that it doesn't matter what she does, she has my unconditional love - anyway, I'm sure you do that already as you sound like a great mum!

Thanks for this. Can I just ask - do you think I should go along with her 'ways' - will this reinforce them or should I try, at calmer moments, try to talk her out of them or would this just make her feel worse? I don't want her to feel my love for her is conditional on her behaviour - but I do find it difficult sometimes to live with - and if I'm completely honest - irratating, which she must have picked up on.