Hi all. I am a regular Mumsnet reader, but have made an acc to create this thread. For some perspective, in the last 6 months - year I have left full time education, started a new job, bought a house and began a new relationship. Lots of changes and I generally don’t feel totally settled and in a routine that I am happy with.
I have come to recognise that I am unable to be “happy” alone, I am very unsettled and feel as though I am always waiting for company, and if not, I am trying to keep myself so busy that I don’t have much peace between. I am unable to get in to a book, watch a series or film, etc. I have recognised this more and more through the development of my new relationship - my partner is very independent, works long hours and has multiple hobbies and obligations. Typically his time with me is valuable, he doesn’t neglect to give me attention, to send me nice texts etc, but I have realised that I am spending my time sometimes feeling as though I am waiting for him because I’m rubbish at filling my own time and being happy relaxing alone. I would feel much better in myself and in life generally if I had hobbies or bits and bobs out-with work that I had to keep myself busy - but I feel as though everything I do I am doing to pass time, I’m not fully engaging in it. I have taken up running in the last few months and this takes up a little of the time and also boosts my mood - as feeling like this often has me very anxious. I know there is an element of me being dependent on my partner to keep me occupied and happy - and I want to resolve this. It is not fair to put pressure on another person and set an unwritten expectation for them to be with you to take your mind off your own crap mood.
Really - my main question is how to find and fully engage in hobbies and other commitments, and how not to lose my sense of self early on in a new relationship!