8 days post partum and feel like an awful mum

[mimifv]

I am 8 days post partum.
ended up having a last minute c section at 37 weeks after being induced at 36 weeks due to cholestastis. Anyway after birth I felt amazing!!! happiest I’d ever felt but I am slowly ( quickly!! ) declining and feeling like I’m an awful mother..I worry I don’t show her enough love, I feel lazy as I can’t really move after c section and I am an emotional wreck. i worry about every thing and I have thought some horrible things that make me feel like the worst mum in the world..I am literally crying whilst writing this because I love her more then anything in this whole entire world but I am horrible and not good enough.
I formular fed and now my boobs won’t produce milk even though I want to breastfeed her now…my boobs have gone from D to A in a week and now I’m feeling insecure about that too. I love my baby so much it hurts..I need some support but I’m scared of authority figures

Firstly stop thinking you're an awful mum, pregnancy is stressful but going from having the child in your womb to physically in your arms is a huge change and really takes it's toll.
Don't be scared of asking for help, if you're still under the health visitor, tell them how you're feeling and get their support, they aren't there to judge, they won't think you're a bad mother, their role is to support you and they're so useful in the first few weeks after having baby.
I was a mess after my first was born, I thought I couldn't feed him properly, that he wouldn't feel love from me and had horrid thoughts of "what if I drop him"...etc, it's quite normal but can be exhausting so please get support, if you have family and friends reach out to them.

@mimifv
Please don't despair 😩
With regards to the breastfeeding ask your HV or midwife for some support they will get you a big electric double pump and it'll soon be flowing. My first was combi fed owing to the very same issues and we introduced breastfeeding at 3 weeks there is hope

Please please talk to your partner and/or trusted friend or relative IRL about how you are feeling. Post partum is such an intense hormonal rollercoaster after one of the biggest events of your life and only someone who knows you well can judge if this is within what's normal.
Engage with your midwife/HV about how you're feeling and what support you need and if feeding is challenging just now try to get some RL coaching and support.