My 7 year old is suffering from anxiety

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi there,

I desperately need some advice please. I have a 7 year old (8 early next year) she's always been a very happy fairly confident little girl. When she started school she had a bit of a meltdown, had to be pulled off me and dragged into the classroom. But she got over it and now loves school.

I'm a single parent, but we have a lovely comfortable life with lots of friends and I've always done lots of fun things with her from kayaking to kids discos, camping etc. We have a full and happy life.

But recently she's been suffering terribly with anxiety. It's come out of nowhere about three weeks ago.

Things have been quite stressful recently as I've been planning for an extension on our house and building works have started this week. I've always involved my daughter in the plans, explaining what will happen. I got the impression she was very excited by it all.

Three weeks ago I went to the beach with my parents. On the way home me and my mum had a disagreement about the route she took home, not a full blown argument at all but a heated discussion. Then a car went into a bollard in front of us. I didn't realise what was happening to my daughter at the time but she kept drinking her water and then panicked that she had none left. She then started shaking really badly and threw up. I initially thought she had car sickness so thought nothing of it.

So we went home and I tried to give her some dinner and she went upstairs and was sick again.

I didn't think anything about it and everything was fine that week. She went to school quite happily.

But last weekend we went to an impromptu community event with friends. She was fine until we started walking to the venue and then the shakes started happening again. I just carried on as normal and she eventually got over it and played with her friends.

Again the week was fine, she went to school happily. But yesterday we went my parents and went to the opticians as she wears glasses. The whole morning she kept complaining of a stomach ache and was nearly sick in the car from fear. I asked her why she was worried and she said it was because she was worried we wouldn't find any glasses. This is something she has never had an issue with. We tried having lunch and she started gagging in the restaurant, shaking uncontrollably and genuinely looked in pain from fear. We all sat normally and ate our food trying to be as normal as possible. We eventually went home and she was exhausted from the ordeal.

I have given her anxiety a name, her butterflies which we talk about openly. We've given each butterfly a name and spoken about what they look like. I've told her she can always talk about how she is feeling and that it's normal to sometimes feel anxious about things. I'm trying to continue life like normal. I don't want the anxiety to take over her life.

I'm going to talk to her teacher next week and make an appointment with the doctor. Her father has really bad issues with anxiety, I thought we'd escaped it. But possibly she may have inherited his issues.

I'm hopeful this is just a phase and she is just overwhelmed by all the changes going on around her, new school year and her beloved house changing.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm worried about my daughters future 😔

I would say it's most likely anxiety from all the change. When you're a child and things change it can be overwhelming. I remember starting secondary school and moving house at the same time, I used to get sick with anxiety. She will get over it but it will take a while until she settles into her new normal, doing thing she enjoys even at home if she gets anxious when out could help, painting etc to keep her mind busy. You should speak to your doctor about it as they may be able to prescribe something to help her or just talking to someone else may help.

Oh OP You sound like a wonderful mum and you're handling this difficult situation calmly and I think it's good that speak to her about her anxiety in an age appropriate way ('butterflies' is a good and positive term for what she might be feeling physically).

Sending you a handhold and all the best to solve this situation. It's also good that you're getting professional advice on this and are speaking to her school.

One of my kids had a very low mood phase, paired with anxiety and a light phobia after a stressful and pressured lockdown winter (she didn't have any physical symptoms like vomiting and shaking) and we got her through by supporting her to face her phobia, reassuring her, talking and listening, helping her learn basic self care (sleep, being active, eating, fresh air, socialising, resting, expressing her emotions) ....and simply giving her lots of love and showing her that life can be good, even when doing simple things. It sounds like you are doing this too and IMO this can help a great deal.

We re in a similar situation except Ds2 is 8, and has migraines from stress. We've just moved overseas to a hot and humid place and he's had almost non stop migraines for over 6 weeks. He's cried every day except one about going to school even though he's made friends and everyone is lovely there.

We re going to the Dr in 10 days (earliest appointment I could get) cos his migraine meds obviously aren't working and I think we need to deal with his anxiety.

How is she sleeping? I co sleep with DS2 since we moved as its not worth the angst of getting him to sleep in a new bedroom.

Hi I'm sorry she's going through this.
My dd had a very anxious period around age 6/7.
The book 'what to do when you worry too much' helped her enormously.
She still gets worries about some things now but nothing compared to before and is a happy child.

Thanks everyone 🙏 she's sleeping fine, I'm having her in bed with me at the moment. She needs lots of love and reassurance at the moment.

I'm trying to get the balance right of talking to her about her anxiety, but also just being normal too. I'm not treating her with kid gloves because I feel this will just exacerbate the problem. I will continue to pull her out of her comfort zone and confront head on her fears. It feels cruel but I know this is the only way she will work out life isn't scary.

I talk to her about change, that it's part of life. That people argue - we live in a very calm environment so she isn't used to conflict. I'm trying to teach her this is all normal. That when the extension is complete it will make the house even better. But right now all she sees is things going wrong. It's like her nervous system has gone bonkers.

This is the book

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144/ref=mpssa111?crid=8DAA0AJBW1G9&keywords=what+to+do+when+you+worry+too+much&qid=1663533905&sprefix=what+to+%2Caps%2C78&sr=8-1

Thanks parrot for the book recommendation I'll definitely buy it xx

Just bought the book, looks great! Thanks so much x

Quite honestly I am surprised there is a single child in the UK who doesn't have anxiety with everything that's happened in the last two years - covid, Brexit, economic downturn, war. Its impossible to avoid hearing about all these things even if you don't let her watch the news everyone is talking about it.
Be open and talk about everything she wants to talk about and spend time with her talking over a puzzle or a board game.
There should be more help available for children in schools quite honestly, counsellors and quiet rooms.

Great, i hope it helps her!

Didn’t want to read and run but my 5 year old DD since going back to school has become overly obsessed with some things , it’s is so much worst at bedtime as she’s thinking about school the next day . Her teachers are aware and we have a plan for her days but generally talking and talking through the worries etc helps her. It can be really hard at times cause once she gets on her worry train it’s hard to slow it down , eventually it does but it’s so hard to talk to children about these things cause they still don’t 100% know how to explain or understand their feelings.

i hope she doesn’t suffer to long with the anxiety but like others have said, maybe to many changed at once. We can inherit it our fears from our parents or siblings so that’s always something to be mindful of if her dad is worrying/anxious about something.

x