For those that experienced childhood trauma

[Whisperedew]

what are you doing with your life now?
I feel like I'm completely failing. I can't keep a job down, dropped out of uni several times, my relationship is coming to an end.
I've read several books and done therapy, but I found it was all aimed at people with adverse childhood experiences such as parents getting divorced, death of a parent, and couldn't quite relate to it
I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused. I was also neglected massively.

Have you tried psychodynamic therapy? That really worked for me because it gets to the root cause and analyses our projections and pain bodies. I had counselling before that and although it was not a bad thing it was nowhere near deep enough.
Psychodynamic is based on Freud although it is adjusted so that it is bit misogynistic or damaging.
It is so good.
I hope you get what you need because I was emotionally and sexually abused as a child also.
As someone that suffered and still does (taking a break until I am ready), it was the pathway for me. Best of luck, I feel your pain xxxx

I run a youthwork project pt and I’m a therapist pt. Married, pregnant, things are good.

honestly, the right therapist with the way of working saved me. I saw her for twelve years and during that time sacrificed holidays and cars to ensure money for therapy.

Over the last five years things have come together but it’s taken a lot of work. I’m immensely proud of where I’ve got too because I didn’t think it would be possible.

How old are you, OP?

My teens and twenties were pretty chaotic. I wasn't able to hold down a job because of my mental health problems, and I spent a decade on benefits. I somehow managed to raise a decent human (I got pregnant at nineteen) but it wasn't until I met DH at 29 that things started to go right for me.

I am now happily married and have the most wonderful group of friends, I went on to have another child, and I work in a job I am passionate about.

The trauma is still there, but it becomes a problem much less often. I have a truly amazing support network and I finally feel loved.

Hang in there.

@PornographicPriestess I'm only 22, so very young. But I can't help but feel I'm wasting my twenties. I've lived on my own since 15 and have a 4 year old.

@witchesbubblebath I'm off to google it now. I am quite interested in Freud, although I've not actually looked into him much, he's quoted in a few books I've read.

I wouldn't go back to my twenties if someone paid me. Things make more sense as I get older.

Psychodynamic is also good for 'deep' and/or 'childhood' issues due to its depth work. My psych analysed facial expressions and all sorts.
I got mine on the NHS but it's very hard to get because it'll cost them alot.
You might have to pay sadly.

I'm applying for PIP (I have agoraphobia and panic disorder as a result of trauma) so if I get it I'd use it towards that

Have you tried person-centred counselling? I got it on NHS. It focuses on you. Really helped. It wasnt until mid 30's my life calmed down, had Ds, got married. Before that I lurched from one disaster to the next, my life felt out of control. I am on anti-depressants for life, took a while to find the right pill but that gives me the balance I need.
Not financially sucessful but good job I enjoy, family, friends and happy.
At 22, you're ahead of me in recognising theres an issue so you have time to address them. You're so young, hang in there. It does get easier!

I'm reiterating what others have said on here: person centred, psychodynamic therapy could be really beneficial for you. I had an awful childhood and ended up in therapy this year after I realised I was suffering very badly from c-ptsd. I had to pay for the therapy but it was really beneficial.

Finished my masters, work, married, children. I have a faith and I think this is what helped/helps me the most. I just never give up. I started working young, then went on to study. Try to get a vocational job. Don't give up on your education. Get books at the library on your situation until you find something that works for you. Writing helps a lot. Write your dreams, were you want to get. Plan your day, then your week, then your year. Try to create a routine. You have your life ahead of you. Think about the world that you are going to build brick by brick for your little girl and yourself. Change is made one step at a time. One small step. Once you have some sort of financial stability (not getting in the red then some more red each month) deal with time, this is your biggest currency. By the time your child reaches secondary school, you will be in a very different place. You have agency on this. All the best OP.

You said you have read a lot, I just wondered if you have read Alice Miller 'The body never lies', Bessel Van Der Kolk 'The body keeps the score', or Gabor Mate 'When the body says no'. Keep reading and learning. Your childhood trauma is a valid part of you that needs to feel heard and seen, so try not to compare with the experiences of others. Good luck OP, it is a long road. Therapy has helped me a lot also but it has taken a lot of work.

@coffeeisthebest I’ve got the body keeps the score on hold at the library to read next, currently reading ‘it didn’t start with you’

If you wanted to read books ...

This is brilliant for skills (managing emotions, interacting with others, mindfulness) if you feel that will help

[DBT® Skills Training] [Handouts] and Worksheets [Paperback] 2nd Edition [Marsha Linehan] https://amzn.eu/d/fUHZH3W

I also personally like this but I think with therapy you need to find what works for you and feels right and the right therapist

Reinventing Your Life: the bestselling breakthrough programme to end negative behaviour and feel great https://amzn.eu/d/iv5OjFh

I have established and maintained a great career, stayed financially stable, now have a good marriage and lovely kids. However. I always feel a bit detached from other people, particularly on any kind of social level, and I have intrusive thoughts every single day. I remember things from thirty years ago as they happened yesterday. I feel angry, and sort of isolated because no one will EVER understand. How could they.

Hi OP. I am so sorry you went through all that as a child.

I didn't have the same kind of experiences you did, but there were many issues with my childhood. I've often been described as sensitive, so I think it affected me more than it would affect other people.

I think it's brilliant you are thinking about this now. I had a number of years of therapy which helped me so much. My 20s were awful - I was very badly affected by depression for a lot of them. I am now approaching 40, and life is really good, and has been for quite a few years. Unfortunately I had to pay for my therapy privately. And it really is important to find the right therapist for you.

One thing I have discovered recently is something called journalspeak with Nicole Sachs. Basically my therapist used to encourage me to write in a journal for 10 minutes a night. But I never really got to the deep stuff because 10 minutes isn't long enough and I also censored myself. The key things with journalspeak is you write for 20 minutes at a time, and you destroy what you've written. It has helped me a lot recently. It might be that you prefer to have the support of a therapist first, which is totally fair enough, but I thought I'd suggest it.

If you're interested now on in the future she has a website and a closed fb group. Her thing is for chronic pain but it has helped me with my mental health a lot. There's a big self compassion element to it as well, which I've found really important.

All the best OP. You sound amazing.