Making a mental health decision tomorrow

[Saturdaytrain]

In my early 20s I tried antidepressants (various doses of citalopram and later, sertraline). I later decided counselling might be more helpful to get to the root of some issues. I've had help with my disordered eating, anxiety and post natal depression.

Over the last year turning 30, I've been getting on quite well, having grasped a good understanding of my feelings. Lately though, this logical thinking just hasn't been shifting these old feelings of worthlessness, irritability and persistent crying. I feel so talked out and so tired of trying to make sense of it all.

Tomorrow I'm expecting a telephone appointment with my GP in which Im planning to ask about medication again. I wondered if anyone else has been in this situation before? Am I maybe making a big mistake?

Did you get to the root of the issues with the counselling - did you explore the core beliefs you developed in childhood?

It never really uncovered any big traumas @Eyesopenwideawake some childhood bullying and my parents belittling quite real feelings I was going through.

@Eyesopenwideawake core beliefs I suppose were all centred around low self confidence.

My grandmother has been on ADs for decades. She stopped once because she thought she should, and regressed.
If meds work, then take the meds.
No shame at all.

What's your current life and situation like? Your post only focusses on making changes internally. What about the externals?

Do you have good friendships? A house? A partner? A fulfilling job or purpose in life?

Thank you @RunningFromInsanity

@PurpleBlis I have an ok full time job which can be pretty stressful but also sometimes enjoyable. I live with my very kind and loving partner and typically crazy 2 year old. I'm not so good at making friends, I spend a lot of time feeling like I've said the wrong thing or taking things badly so I end up withdrawing a lot socially. I wake up worrying almost immediately most days e.g. - from as trivial as struggling to pick something to wear, thinking about whether people will notice my weight gain, all the way through to saying to myself 'today I'm certain I will crash the car'

Can you starte to take some steps towards moving from an OK job to something you're passionate about?

Making friends is hard. But the good thing is once you've made them maintaining them is a completely different kettle of fish and likely the over thinking and critical voice will reduce.

Are there any manageable steps you can think of to enable you to get out there to meet new people. Or connect more with people who you already know?

There's no shame in taking ADs by the way.

No shame in taking the meds if they help. I struggled for years thinking I shouldn't, went back on them and I'm fine. I really start to notice if I forget for a few days. For me it's not worth it - I'm staying on them.

This probably sounds terrible @PurpleBlis as I really appreciate you taking the time to help but it all sounds like such overwhelming effort. Don't get me wrong, I tried taking steps over summer to do these things. I did a couple of one off classes but I guess I always get this feeling when I meet new people that they always have enough friends and I'm not for them.

The job is one I was recently promoted to. If I'm honest, I don't know what I'm passionate about. Sometimes I think no matter what I did, I'd pick holes.

Thanks @tinselvestsparklepants I think I'm worried that I'll try and if they don't work, that I've explored all options and have to just accept that this is what I'm like.

Apologies for a very self indulgent rant. This is another thing. I get so wrapped up in all this, I can barely help anyone else. This is something I did used to love to do as I really think I'm a good listener and not bad on advising others when invited to do so.

Core beliefs are always "I" statements. Have a look at this article for a really good explanation.

No shame in taking meds.
But also - have your blood checked - I recently read an article that people with anxiety typically had extremely low magnesium levels. And my brother had bad depression and after some blood tests he was chronically low on Vit D.

I'm 20 years older than you - I've lived abroad for 25 years too.
Making friends is incredibly difficult. I found a couple of nice people to chat with dropping the kids off at school. My SIL became my best friend and when I was 37 I met my other best friend.
I also found my soul sister 2 years ago after moving - yet again- to another area.
Within a 20 mins timeframe we were hugging each other and jumping up and down on the street where we'd starting chatting for the first time ever...
when you know you know.

Some people think : the other party didn't say hello to me so I'm obviously not interesting/ worthy ... if everyone thinks that : where would we all be?
Baby steps though. And being tired (full time job / small child ) doesn't help feeling great about yourself.
Focus on really small things that make you happy - I love to drink my coffee in a sunny spot. I love to walk around my garden and see things grow. It's the littlest things that make me happy. I think they call it practicing gratitude - everyday think of 1 or 2 things you are truly grateful for. Definitely helps me.
Good luck!! Xxx

@Saturdaytrain if it feels overwhelming than the step is too big. Make the next step so small it feels manageable.

You are not being self indulgent. You are attempting to work through things but writing this post and replying, that in itself takes strength.

Thank you everyone. I have been prescribed sertraline and had a good chat this evening with my partner. He didn't realise how much things had got on top of me.

I'm going to start a little diary through the month to get a good idea of whether the medication is working. I'm just hoping to start getting a desire to start doing things I enjoy again.

I’m glad things are moving forward for you OP.