Breakup after a divorce. It’s just too much

[Onthedoubleline]

My marriage ended last year, my decision. It was made a lot easier as I quickly ended up falling in love with a friend, very unexpectedly. But he literally saved my life at the time and we were just on the verge of living together. He is a depressive widower and my dad committed suicide. We bonded over sadness and loss.

Now he is gone, thinks he is too old and that my children will resent us both. The floor has fallen out of my life.

i was wailing over the lunchboxes this morning. I cannot go on.

I cannot do this without him and I’m really scared of how bad this is. I have nothing left to give. I’m terrified of being alone and I’m alone all the time.

I think, with kindness, that you can't really use people as a crutch .You have to learn to be ok by yourself before you have relationships. Make a GP appointment to see if you can get some help/ counselling.

I’ve seen how unhealthy it’s been, how intense. I feel like a completely broken human. I wish I hadn’t woken up.

I think ahead to anything, to Christmas to this afternoon and I feel terror

Please, anyone. I don’t know how to get through this pain

I'm so sorry for your losses.

Does it help to think of your children and how much they need you? You aren't alone

With kindness, I think you need a counsellor. It sounds like your partner 1) distracted you from processing your divorce and 2) in some ways was a proxy for your dad subconsciously helping you to make up to your dad, and that means the split might magnify your feelings round the end of your marriage and your dad's death. So the upset now might not just be about the split.
I think professional support would help it to feel more manageable?

@britneyisfree I’m trying to, I’m just trying so hard not to just give them to their dad and disappear forever. I know I can’t do that, it’s just the feeling that’s consuming me. Thank you for replying

@AdamRyan my partner helped hugely with the realities of being a single mum, helped me set my life up and supported me endlessly. Without him I feel utterly broken and completely incapable of functioning. It’s a very bizarre and overwhelming sensation. I’ve had depression for years but this is a visceral terror about today, next week and forever. I don’t know how I’ve done 3 days of it or how to continue. I’m so utterly exhausted. I do need professional help, I just need to be here long enough. I think he eroded me with sadness and now it’s all I have left. Thank you for responding

You didn't actually fall in love with the widower. He just filled a gap. You need to adjust to being alone.

@Caroffee it actually feels like he’s the love of my life

OK.
Set yourself a goal of getting through the next 5 minutes. Then the next day. Then the next week.
Be kind to yourself. What would you say to a heartbroken friend? Say the same to yourself.
Indulge yourself - for me that would be chocolate and a book to get lost in. A bath? A film? A walk?
You can do this. You just need to get through the initial shock.

Thank you all. It really does mean something that strangers would reply to my desperate ramblings.

Someone once told me when things are too much, to just concentrate on the next breath. Not even the next 5 minutes, just one breath at a time.

You’ll get through this darkness and reach the light again. Do you have contact details for some support at all? Now is the time to use them.

You will be okay OP. Good or bad, nothing every stays the same.

Oh OP. Just concentrate on putting one step ahead if another. You will get through this.

How are you doing today op?

Hello,

very up and down, all obsessively connected to messages being read, not seen, not replied to, replied to but in 2/3 words. I am a fucking pathetic mess. I had half a donut today, but that’s still only on top of a slice of ham but had I think yesterday. Another lovely friend around today and another conversation about how he is just too much to be with. I just love him so much and I’m utterly terrified of being all alone, again, night after night.

i Can’t even walk my dog without crying because that’s what we did together and every view reminds me of him.

im not proud of this but I let myself into his house earlier just to be around his stuff his smell, plenty of my stuff all still there. It’s like suspended animation and it hurts deeply.