ADHD thing / Asperger's thing? Panic attack

[LimitIsUp]

Dd 20 has struggled with mental health since she was 13. Previously diagnosed with anxiety but she & I suspect ADHD based on some of her issues (and that her anxiety is caused by her ADHD). Private referral in progress (can't be seen until end of Feb tho')

Just been on long weekend away with her boyfriend before she starts University this coming weekend. Super anxious about university but just about holding it together.

She's driving home - it's a 300 mile trip. She is doing all the driving as he isn't insured on her car. After driving 2 hours they stop at a services offering MacDs and KFC. KFC is closed. BF asks if they can't just drive on another 10 mins to another KFC - she is quite rigid (and stressed) and refuses and suggests he makes do with MacDs. An argument ensues. She phones me in full blown panic attack, crying and struggling for breath (also saying she is evil & horrible to be around). I do my best to calm her but it's really distressing to hear her like this when I am not there to help in person

I know what is really going on is fear about starting university - and with that backdrop any minor irritation (such as BF insisting on KFC) is blown into something bigger and disproportionately distressing....

So is this typical of ADHD ( as in emotional dysregulation) or does she perhaps have another co morbid diagnosis like Asperger's? I know you guys can't diagnose but I am asking for opinions based off your experiences

I do really try to understand but sometimes the massive overreaction (not meant pejoratively) to minor issues still shocks me and I worry so much about how she will cope in life and reach her potential

Sorry - rather long. Did try and break it up with paragraphs

This would test any human being. I have fallen out with people on road trips that I have literally never fallen out with at any other time. On top of that it's a generally stressful time.

Her reaction is understandable, she should not think this is her being difficult or overreacting. She is not horrible.

Hard to say if it's something more but a diagnosis might help her (and others) understand why it's more difficult for her.

BF sounds like an arse TBH.

My thoughts exactly re the boyfriend

I did tell her that she isn't 'evil' and she hasn't done anything wrong but I don't know if she believes that

I guess by 'minor issues' - I mean that I am worried that a minor disagreement with the BF can trigger hyperventilation and a panic attack, which is acutely distressing for her. For her sake (not mine or anyone else's) I wish she could just shrug off things like this

I would answer yes. I have ADHD and at the grand old age of 50 ish I have now been dealing with panic attacks for over 30 years. I hugely overthink, I get overwhelmed. A bigger fear gets expressed by flipping out over something small and huge frustrationt that I always think I should DO better, should cope better. And yet despite years of therapy, here I am still falling to bits from overwhelm at times and going through periods where I seem to manage spectacularly at anything thrown at me and others where I feel like I'm just incapable of juggling, managing or absorbing anything and my mind goes into such overdrive, such over fast catastrophising thinking. Its hard. Really hard. I sympathise with you and also with her.

Thank you FML - overthinking, catastrophising and overwhelm does seem to cover it. Have you found anything that works for you?