Struggling with being a parent.

[ChantelleSCC]

Hi I’m 27 first time posting and I just want to share my frustration and unhappiness somewhere.

i have a 9 month old and no matter how much I love her how beautiful she is and how amazing she is as a baby. I sometimes feel regret having her. I wish I could’ve met my daughter a little longer down the line.

Her dad has 3 other children 9,3,2 and 9 months. He doesn’t see the middle two so it techinqually feels like karma knowing he’s capable of it but we are still in a relationship and I still get next to no help. He’s probably been on his own with her awake under 5 times. He also doesn’t provide nothing for her off his own back. Gives me £40 a week and is done with it whilst giving the 9yo mum the same and spoiling the child rotten. So today i lost it and told him he was useless and that he should be putting more effort into our child… it is most definitely his fault that I hate being a mother.

I am starting to resent the 9yo because of this and it’s not his fault so it’s obviously my partner that I resent but I hate every weekend that rolls around that we have him. I hate every week on a weds/Thursday I hate it all. I was never like this before we had our child. Im expected to be full of support for the 9yo but get nothing for our child so I gave up with it. I don’t want to be around them
i don’t want to be part of their weekends cause they ignore me and our baby anyway and do everything that they can to get away from us.

i just don’t know how to handle it. I feel like I need to leave. We can live seperately cause I got my own place but for some reason I don’t feel done with him yet. I don’t feel ready to let go but his actions and his behaviour are destroying everything about me and my first year of being a parent and all I wanted was for Him to be what he is to his eldest.

I’m not expecting him to love his eldest less or what ever but be fair or equal in most parts.

i just don’t know I geniunely feel so low right now and wishing my life away or should I say my child’s. I miss the old me the me before being a mum and still don’t feel like I’ve got any kind of purpose.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. It sounds like a few different things going on that you need to deal with.

Your relationship with your babies father does not sound healthy. You mention that you have considered leaving him but don't feel ready for that yet. If you stay with him do you think things can change for the better?

It could be that this situation is the reason for you feeling so low and lacking purpose, but with a young baby there is a possibility you have some PND and it might be worth seeing your GP to investigate this?

It sounds like the reason you’re struggling is because DP is useless. Seems as if he doesn’t do his share of parenting at all. He’s only been with DD for 5 times within 9 months. Surely that’s a joke.

He doesn’t see his 3 year old and 2 year old. Whatever the circumstances are, he never sounded like a great dad in the first place. I’d usually say talk to him and make it clear that you need him to do his share as well in regards to DD but he clearly won’t. You’re also not willing to leave him even though you’d be able to have your own place. Unfortunately I don’t think anything will change and it’ll be your DD who suffers the most as you’re already starting to resent her